Leaving Neverland.

The Toilet Seat

2012-01-12T14:12:00.004Z

I don’t miss the money woes.

A little over a year ago I had very little… I can still remember checking my drawers and feeling down the side of the sofa looking for stray pound coins, and worrying if I was going to make it to the end of the month.

The terrifying moment was when I was sitting in with the bank manager and she very aptly pointed out that I had more outgoings than I had incomings. This was a serious low point.

It’s good to know now that I have a healthy income coming in each month, that I can buy what I need, or more often what I want!

But my previous financial problems haven’t made me better with money… I still find a way to flush it all down the toilet.

So this year I am making it my personal mission to start saving.

I’m 28 and I have nothing in my savings account. If I ever decided I wanted to buy a house, or move away I would find it very difficult.

So it begins today - or on Monday (pay day), as I’ve spent the last of my money on dog cages and a pebble toilet seat.

Fancy.

Leaving Neverland?

2012-01-12T11:52:00.002Z

If somebody had told me 12 months a go I would be living with my girlfriend and our two dogs I would have called them insane.

I guess you never know what is coming around the next corner.

Though I do have this weird feeling of de ja vu... after all I've been here before... the long term relationship, living together, and the two pets... this was 6 years a go, and an awful lot has happened since then.

I have spent the past 6 years partying, drinking, making friends, losing friends, having lots of meaningless sex... a lot of it was spent not caring about other people's feelings, and for the large part that didn't seem to bother me.

Now I can feel who I was before all that started, responsible, and in some ways a bit dull.

My life now is rarely seeing friends, trying to house train two dogs, going to work and then doing house work.

Don't get me wrong, I'm really happy and this is the best relationship I have ever been in, the girl is amazing in every way... I just can't help but read this blog and mourn the crazy days that have passed, and wonder if this is it now... time to grow up?

The Award and the girl

2011-01-09T12:40:00.006Z

Blogging is hard work. I make brief come backs and then dissapear again.

The Award: I think I posted earlier that I was up for an award at work. The award cermony was in November and was incredible. It was held in Derby and had poeple there from the entire organisation. On teh drive down, me and John (being passengers in the car) were drinking a port and brandy mix which was lovely. When we arrived there was so much free drink! So naturally we all got wrecked!

I won the award, and had to get up on stage with the head of the organisation and make a speech, I was then interviewed afterwards... completely drunk! But I've listened back, and I don't think I did too badly!

At the awards I met a girl who worked in an office down south, 300 miles away from me.

We spent the night causing mischief and having a laugh. I then spent the night in her hotel room.

She texted me the next day asking if I wanted to see her again, and we arranged that she would come to visit me in December, which she did.

The first weekend in December she came to stay with me. Prior to that we had been texting and emailing lots.

It had been snowing loads and it was touch and go whether she would make it up North, but she did.

I met her at the train station and she literally screamed when she saw me.

We drove back to mine in the thick snow, opened wine and had a good laugh.

The next day we met Alice and drove to Newcy and went sledging... well I say sledging, it was basically going down a steep hill on sacks, and plastic tubs etc...

We then went for lunch in a pub, and headed back to Alices' house for a party.

We had a lot of fun together, and the next day I said goodbye to the girl at the train station, and we agreed that next time I would go down south to see her.

Then she got clingy. A couple of days later she sent me an email asking me where we were, and what I thought we were. AKA are we now in a relationship. I managed to calm that down, but then I started to find her constant emailing and texting annoying. "Why havn't you replied? Have I scared you off?" etc. So I sent her an email telling her that I didn't want to continue down this road as I'm not a fan of long distance relationships.

She didn't reply, just deleted me off facebook.

I week later she texted me, and then readded me saying I'd hurt her but she thinks we can be friends.

---

What I love about life is this: I was lying in bed unable to sleep... staring into space I came up with an idea. The idea then won me an award, which then led to meeting a girl, and her travelling 300 miles to see me for a first date. Granted it didn't work out, but if I had been able to fall asleep that first night, none of this would have happened. It's kind of cool, and goes to show you never really do know what is around the next corner.

Up all night

2010-10-10T16:20:00.002+01:00

Haha My friend Molly stayed over last night... how much sleep did she get worrying about my ghost? .... NONE!

There's a ghost in my house!

2010-10-08T16:17:00.002+01:00

Last night freaked me out!

I have been aware of a weird prescence in my bedroom since I moved in. On occasion I feel someone has been in and moved the curtains, or put the lid back on my hair gel... but I live alone, so who could be doing these things?

Well last night I woke up... and there was somebody in bed with me.

I rubbed my eyes and looked again.

Yes there is definitely someone lying next to me!!!

They moved their hands... I jumped out of bed... turned the lights on and there was nobody there!

Who you gonna call?

Whisky and Pizza night

2010-09-26T13:46:00.007+01:00

After Starbucks we went to Tesco to buy some whisky and pizza! Then Adam and Molly came back to mine and we drank the whisky, and ate the pizza.

Then Molly and I hit the town!

Nothing out of the ordinary happened, but it was a great night! Though on the way into the Club the bouncer said to me "no antics in the bathroom this week!" "GOOD MEMORY!" I replied, glad I wasn't banned! haha.

Full tank and full belly!

2010-09-25T16:42:00.002+01:00

My parents are ace!

They took me for lunch, filled my car up with fuel and gave me some spending money.

I'm going to pay them back though!! I can't keep letting them bail me out.

My letter came from the landlady today so I'm going to drive it round to her now rather than posting it. Then meet Molly and Adam in Starbucks. I'm not going to waste money on coffee though, just going for the crack.

Molly's staying with me this weekend, so I'm expecting some drunkeness!

while the cats away

2010-09-24T19:37:00.001+01:00

The "NO" lady has been off Thurs, Friday and is off on Monday too, so I haven't had anyone restricting what I can do.

I've done some brilliant work, and can't wait to hear what Monday's show sounds like, I've got some great content in it!

It's been an interesting week, but a promising one!

I've had no petrol all week though so I've been walking everywhere! 45 mins to work, then to the gym, 45 mins home. Tis a pain!

STILL no letter from my old landlady. She was supposed to be sending me something to sign so she could release my deposit back to me! I'm so skint!

I phoned her today and she had "forgotten" she said she will post the letter today.

I have my parents coming to see me tomorrow, my mum's been making lots of pies for me! So yay!

Better day

2010-09-21T19:35:00.001+01:00

Today was better. The boss didn't come in so we couldn't have our meeting, but some of my suggestions were used... and the assistant editor (2nd in command) came over and said that my parts were really good...

I feel a bit better now... but still got a long way to go!

Not the best start.

2010-09-20T19:29:00.002+01:00

I'm used to feeling like god at work. I know everything. People always come to me to ask how to do things. If something breaks I usually know how to fix it... so today was weird.

I felt like a fish out of water.

The first 3 hours were good, and we had a lot of positive reaction... but I'm finding the lady I work for very difficult. She's a "NO" girl.

She'll say no to ideas before you've even finished telling her them.

I'm on trial... if it doesn't go well I'll be demoted back to my old salary... I can't do that! So I need to do well.

I just need to figure out how to get her on side, and to trust that I know what I'm talking about.

We have a big meeting tomorrow with the big boss to discuss the direction we want to take things... I'm hoping this will help her see that I'm on the right lines with what I'm suggesting.

sofa night

2010-09-19T13:25:00.003+01:00

Molly came to stay at mine last night armed with two bottles of red wine!

Felt like the good old days when she used to practically live on my sofa.

I was sooo tired from the night before, so we chilled watched the X Factor and then I went to bed because I couldn't stay awake any longer.

Not as young as I used to be!

Tomorrow I start my new job! Worried doesn't even begin to describe it. Sure it'll be reet though.

Walk of "Shame"

2010-09-18T15:10:00.002+01:00

We start drinking at Nicole's house because I don't have any money. I bought a bottle of wine for £4, drank that, and then did lots of shots of Nicole's spirits, so I was nice and drunk before we even left to go to the club.

My memory is...

In the club talking to Nicole, her crazy housemate and Shaun and Chris...

Being on the dancefloor with a girl in a wheelchair.

Being on the other dance floor with this pretty girl I didn't know.

Being dragged into the girls toilets.

The girl pulling her kickers down and us starting to do stuff...

THEN...

BANG BANG BANG.

FUCK!!!!

Two bouncers were in the girls toilets banging on the door telling us to get out.

"It's just me in here on my own" Jessica said unconvincingly.

In the end I had to sheepishly admit my prescence and was escorted out of the club.

And of course everyone knew we were in there doing stuff so people were gathered by the door waiting for us to come out.

The bouncer said "don't worry, I would have done it to"

Anyway Jessica and I walked the 40 odd minutes to my new flat because we didn't have the money for a taxi.

For some strange reason on the way back I started to talk in an Irish accent... (I can't even DO an Irish accent!!!)

"Mmm you're so sexy and Irish" she said.

Fuck, she thinks I'm Irish.

I decided to go with it and kept up the fake Irish accent - gradually phasing it out throughout the evening.

At my flat we were in the middle of having sex and she freaked out, she suddenly remembered her boyfriend.

After an attack of concience she decided to go home. So she left. Then I heard a knock at the door... she had come back.

We went to bed. Had sex. Then spent the whole of the next morning sexing and talking. Once she had sobered up she turned into a really brilliant girl. I'd like to see her again. Shame about the boyfriend.

Truley Moved

2010-09-17T19:48:00.004+01:00

Ha well what a flippin hectic few days!

7am this morning, standing in my hallway, painting in my underpants... determined to have everything finished TODAY!

I got the keys to my new place on Weds... it was touch and go whether I would have the money to pay my deposit and first months rent as my new salary doesn't kick in until October.

I went online and looked at all my standing orders and direct debits and realised that I was going to be up shit creek. I'd have enough, but after I'd be wiped out. So I had to phone my mum and dad and ask for money, which at the age of 27 is kinda embarrasing.

My parents though are legends, they always look after me and never judge. My mum says "don't worry, I remember having to ask my mum for money so I could buy a pint of milk."

Anyway I got up early and collected the keys, I went to the new flat and panicked... where's the washing machine? They told me it had a washing machine in it, which is why I sold mine!

I phoned the agency and they arranged to buy me one, which arrived today! :)

I then had to leg it back to my old flat to meet my Man with a Van... he was a great guy, charged me £40 to move all my furniture, he said it doesn't matter how long it takes. In the van he was telling me about his life... he moved to Cumbria because he found his wife in bed with TWO of his friends at the SAME TIME! Harsh.

I took the "unpack as I go aproach" to the move... If I brought a box in, I'd quickly unpack it and give everything a home there and then, so there wouldn't be a stack of boxes to unpack all at once later.

I then went to buy paint to paint the old flat so I could get my deposit back. I did great work, and the land lady couldn't tell we'd had any pictures up and I managed to get my full deposit back! I just have to wait a week for her to send me a cheque.

There was a funny smell in the hallway in my new flat... it stunk the whole house out... turns out it was the wall in the hallway.. the exisiting paint stunk! Not sure if it was rotten or what. So with left over paint on Thursday night at 11pm when I had finished with the old flat, I gave the hallway I coat of paint. 7am this morning I saw it needed another coat, so just did it in my underpants haha - no point getting dressed and getting my clothes dirty.

The sky man came at 1pm to install Sky TV.

Handed my keys back at 2pm to the old evil landlady.

Washing machine at 3pm.

And tonight I'm off to get drunken to celebrate the move!

Here are a few memories from the old flat. Enjoy.

Money money money :D

2010-09-13T16:45:00.002+01:00

I found out what my new job is last week! And it's blumming brilliant!

Today I found out what my new salary is... £5000 more than my previous one!

Roll on October's pay day! :)

Evil Landlady

2010-09-13T16:37:00.003+01:00

I'm moving out on Weds... landlady in my current property is kinda evil though and is wanting to keep as much of our deposit as she can.

Spoke to our old next door neighbour when I was out on Thurs and he told me that she took loads of money off him for having a few holes in the wall where his pictures were.

SO I'm working on fixing the place up myself. I've filled in the holes... now I need the identical paint.

I phoned her to find out the shade and she told me not to paint it - she wants to do it for a "small fee"

I said no, I'm half way through anyway, and would rather do it myself for a fraction of the cost she would charge me.

She then said that she would charge me if I have used the wrong kind of poly filler and if she can tell it's been painted, and rather than having to pay for a small touch up, I'd have to pay to have the whole room repainted...

SHE'S EVIL!!!!

Nominated for my first award!

2010-09-03T17:17:00.002+01:00

And the nominations for best promotion campaign are:

ME!!!!!!!

Some other guy.

And a guy who has won more of these awards than his shelf can fit throughout his years!

-------

Either way I get a certificate... but I want the trophy!!

I get to attend a big fancy black tie award ceremony on the 4th November!

I CAN'T WAIT!!! :D

My week so far...

2010-08-25T17:13:00.003+01:00

Eat, tv, sleep, work, gym, eat, tv, sleep, work, gym, eat, tv, sleep, work, gym, eat, tv, sleep :(

I need more excitment.

Nothing is happening in my life.

Times like this I think I shouldn't have dumped the girlfriend. Would have been something to do at least.

Sunny Whitby

2010-08-22T23:47:00.005+01:00

Just a few photo highlights of a brilliant day and night visiting Molly. She now lives in Middlesburgh, so we checked out Whitby! Great place! Boat rides, Ice-Cream and sunshine, what more do you need?

Spiders

2010-08-14T21:39:00.003+01:00

I've had the same recurring dream LOADS lately. Over the past 4-5 weeks I must have dreamt this over 10 times.

But it isn't really a dream dream...

A spider falls from the ceiling and lands on my face.

I wake up with a fright, turn the light on and search my bed for the spider.

The past few times I havent bothered to look for it as I've figured out it isn't real. But why would I keep dreaming this?

I googled it and it came up with this:

"A recurrent dream is always an attempt to tell you something. I think it's a warning that something is about to happen.

To see a spider in your dream, indicates that you are feeling like an outsider in some situation. Or that you may want to keep your distance and stay away from an alluring and tempting situation. The spider is also symbolic of feminine power. Alternatively, a spider may refer to a powerful force protecting you against your self-destructive behavior."

Well whatever the reason it creeps the shit out of me, and I never remember the rest of my dream, just the awful feeling knowing a spider is landing on your face.

New house

2010-08-13T21:51:00.000+01:00

I've found a place to live... I move in 4 weeks.

I love the size of the living room and the bedroom and feels like it could be a nice home.

There's one slight problem.

The bathroom is PINK.

I'm not just talking about the walls - the toilet, bath and sink are all pink!

This isn't the actual bathroom - just an image to give you the idea of how icky it looks!!

It's been a mad day

2010-08-12T22:18:00.002+01:00

The car started feeling funny on the way to work. I made it to the car park without running out of petrol but I still had to make it to the petrol station before viewing this house.

I got in the car at 12.30 and set off.

I got stuck in slow moving traffic, and the car started to feel heavy and making funny noises.

I was so panicked. If I'd broken down, I would have been caught driving without insurance.

Luckily I made it to the station and fuelled up.

I drove to the flat and liked most of it... I'll fill you in on the downside later.

However there are very few houses around... and I've viewed some awful ones. This house is £55 per month cheaper than my current one and at least the walls are thicker.

I decided to take it there and then and go fill in the form.

Sadly I don't get paid til Monday, so needed to borrow money off Adam to pay my tennancy fees - he's a legend for doing that.

So I had to rush to work, do something my boss had asked me to do, rush to Adams to get the money and rush to town to hand my form in at the estate agents, and get back to work before anyone missed me.

Then returning to work I read the email from my ex girlfriend, Sal.

Why on earth would she want to get in touch now? It' s been 4 years since we broke up.

I deleted the email without responding.

Alice says I should have met her for coffee and doesn't understand why I'm so quick to forget about people from my past.

I believe the past is the past and should stay that way. I have no interest in looking backwards.

Message on Facebook

2010-08-12T18:49:00.000+01:00

Hey....not sure if you pop on here that often. Also not sure if you still hate me. If you dont, well i hope you dont. Well, if ever maybe you would like to catch up, go for a coffee - burn bridges?!?!? (Hopefully not with me on), give me a text 07*** *** ***.

Anyway, better not ramble! Hope everythings going well and your ok
Sal x

Empty tank

2010-08-12T10:10:00.001+01:00

Instead of hanging out with Alice's sister, I went round to Nicoles, and we drank a bottle of wine and went to a club.

Was good fun... but a little drama free.

Off to work now with an amazing hangover!

I've also got to view a house today... though it's quite far away and I don't have any insurance on my car... so I technicly I shouldn't drive. But I don't have time to walk.

Also my car has been flashing empty for a while...

I better not break down before I can get some petrol in it, I'll be screwed!

The Sister

2010-08-10T23:58:00.001+01:00

Last night I finished work and found 2 missed calls on my phone from Alice.

She rang again.

"I'm worried, and I need an honest answer. Has anything, or are you planning on anything happening with my sister."

I wasn't expecting it and said no. It is the truth, nothing has happened... but I do want it to.

Also her sister is supposed to be coming round on Wednesday, but I didn't tell her that.

"you just need to be aware of the consqeuences" she said. In other words, do anything and bye bye friendship.

I've cancelled on the sister, but I'm slightly annoyed by the whole threatening me part.

Adam says this: She's just demanding something from you in exchange from her friendship. I think it's ridiculous like, but I suppose she's got the right to lay rules for people who wish to have their friendship. She's being irrational but I'm the king of irrational behaviour"

Nicole says: I understand why she's doing it. Dude, she's in love with you. How will it make her feel if you get with her sister? And even if her feelings have gone, she will still want to protect her sister as you don't have the best track record.

I say: Gutted coz the sister was really fun to hang out with.

The sister says: I'm not worth your friendship with alice. It's a shame though, was really good fun.

I'll do anything, but I won't do that.

2010-08-08T22:30:00.002+01:00

Molly returned for a night out.

We drank at home and then went into town to meet Alice and her friends, who had been drinking alot longer than we had and were already at the loud music and dancing phase.

Molly and I went to a more mature pub for a drink before rejoining the others.

We then went to a club for a dance. In there I met a girl.

She's called Sophie (not Alice's sister, a different Sophie).

I took her back to mine (Molly was sleeping on the couch).

Sophie was weird. She was very vocal and kept asking me what I wanted to do to her and what I wanted her to do to me.

I started small - "erm, suck my cock"

"No, I don't do that. But anything, tell me, what do you want me to do, what will really turn you on?" she replied.

"K, doggy style?"

Sophie: "No, I don't do that... what will really turn you on though?"

This went on for a while with me suggesting various things, her saying she wouldn't do it, and then asking me what I wanted... when really she wasn't prepared to do anything.

Last ditch attempt "cum in your face?"

"No I don't do that."

So basically, you're getting what you want, all you seem to do is what we're bloody doing, basic missionary sex, so why the hell are you asking me what I want? (is what I should have said)

She also kept making me stop to double check the condom was secure because she was scared of getting pregnant.

Before she left she asked what the kinkyest thing I'd ever done was... she wasn't impressed with my answer. However I was less impressed with hers...

She said "I once peed in a glass and poured it on myself"

AND YET YOU WON'T GIVE A BLOW JOB?

TAXI!!

Consequences

2010-08-04T21:01:00.002+01:00

Tonight Alice and I have spoke about consequences.

We both are guilty of crossing lines that shouldn't be crossed, either because it's naughty and fun... or we just had to know if there was anything good that could come from it.

It was prompted by her recieving a text from her friends ex... the ex fancies Alice...

[19:09:24] Steven says: Rarr
[19:09:59] Alice says: mwello! guess who just text me? remember chez's gf who we were chatting to in the club... called lisa, who split up with chez that night/the next morning
[19:12:36] Steven says: Im gonna say i remember but im not sure
[19:12:41] Alice says: ha you probs don't
[19:12:45] Steven says: But ooo what she say?
[19:13:07] Alice says: just says Hey hows tricks? You been upto much today?x - i don't think i'm gona reply though
[19:13:16] Steven says: I do remem u saying that u shudnt do anything coz shes her ex
[19:13:22] Steven says: Meh id reply. Y not? Lifes too short
[19:13:41] Alice says: will cause too much trouble if start properly chatting to her, chez's new ex, need to keep chez on my side don't really want all the lesbians hating me lol
[19:14:09] Steven says: Fair point!

We came to the understanding that we need to start considering other people's feelings and not just doing what we want.

10 MINUTES LATER...

[19:24:43] Alice says: i just texted lisa back :\

-------------

Should we let the fear of consequences stop us taking chances and finding love ourselves? Just because one person didn't fit with someone else, does that mean that we shouldn't be allowed to see if we fit with them?

Where's the line though...?

Your friend's ex?
Your bosses daughter?
Your friend's sister?
Your friend's friend?!

Last night I hung out with Alice's sister. We didn't do anything, we just played guitar and had a laugh. I do really like her sister though and would like to go there, but I can't because it would cost me my friendship with Alice. To me that seems unfair.

---

I do need to start considering consequences though. I knew deep down the thing with Lucia couldn't work. And yet I went there anyway. I broke her heart.

Tonight she texted me this:

"Hey, I really have to say this because I can't carry on living like this. I'm angry at myself and upset every day. I feel sick. I can't sleep. I can't do anything. I'm constantly putting on a brave face to the world, but I'm dying inside because I never said, I love you xxxx"

Consequences.

My appraisal

2010-07-29T20:56:00.004+01:00

Managers’ Comments

Managers – please give specific performance feedback and describe the standards you expect. This includes working with others style, approach and behaviour consistent with the Company. Follow links for detailed guidance on Giving and receiving feedback and Reviewing task and behaviour

Going well – keep doing:
Steve is making an important and unique contribution to several key areas of programming. He has made himself the first port of call for technical trouble-shooting and core skills training, continues to develop as a talented promotions producer. Steve is creative and has proved his worth as a tenacious researcher and producer of content. He could pursue either or all of these callings in the future.

Having learned how to handle several difficult “talents” in the last few years, he’s developed a knack of getting presenter buy-in on projects that will stand him in good stead for the future.

Need to improve:
Advanced perception and empathy with the audience is a continuing challenge.
Put simply: he is 20-something and they are 50+, therefore they don’t ALWAYS share a common sense of humour. This can lead to misjudgement on certain creative treatments. We’re part way along this learning process. Judgement issues have already seen significant improvement.

Overall performance:
Steve meets the job requirements at all times and exceeds those expectations regularly. In my view he would be suitable for promotion to a Grade 5 post in the near future. He is the busy man, to whom you go when further assistance is required. In itself that pays tribute to his skills and esteem within the team.

is this your heart? SQUISH :(

2010-07-28T21:29:00.003+01:00

"You alright?"

"No, and soon you won't be"

I didn't waste time with pleasantry's and hellos - it was straight to the point... and it was awful.

I met her after her driving lesson. I waited at the bus station for her instructor to drop her off. I saw them pull up around the corner, so I waited.

Five long minutes later she walk around with a smile on her face happy to see me. She saw that I didn't smile back.

"Why? What's wrong?" she asked.

"We're breaking up"

"Yeah?"

"Yeah"

We walked through town while I explained. I didn't want her to think there was anything actually wrong with her... and to be fair there isn't - all the things she has done are because of her age.

I made it all about the fact that we don't have much to talk about and have much in common.

She held it together for a short while until we found a bench to sit on... then she got angry and really upset.

She was wailing loudly in public.

She was wearing a new top and saying "I loved this top, and now it's a break up top and I can't wear it again, and it's so comfy"

Literally the whole thing was heart breaking.

I left her at work with her dad.

I feel awful... but it had to be done.

60 minutes

2010-07-28T18:38:00.000+01:00

I'm meeting Lucia in an hour.

My stomach is in knots.

She has no idea what is coming, and I'm so upset I'm hurting her.

I've warned my boss so he's aware - he'll be on standby to drive her home.

In an hour, I'm breaking up with her.

And it feels shit.

Officially scared now!!

2010-07-25T10:11:00.002+01:00

I wanted to dump Lucia last night... but I couldn't because I learnt she had been spending a lot of time on a gift for me for my birthday... I told her not to bother as I didn't want anything but she said she had to do something for all the lovely things I do for her.

So the plan was - recieve the gift - wait a few days - then dump her.

HOWEVER

NOW this is the scarey part.

The gift was CD shaped, wrapped in paper with a creepy bow attached. A sense of dread filled my body. As I opened it I saw a picture of me and her on the cover that she had tweaked to make perfect on photoshop.

On the CD... a song she had written about our love. It gets worse. Her dad/my boss had helped her record it, and even put his name on it as "produced by"....

My heart sank... I said thankyou and gave her a hug. I could tell she was smiling with her head rested over my shoulder... My face looked like I was trying to hold back vomit.

"Do you want to see your failed gifts?" she asked...

No! "yeah okay" I said.

The failed gifts:

One was a picture she had painted of us together, which had a hole in from where she hit it for not being perfect enough.

The other a photo frame with a picture of us in, which she tells me she threw across the room in a strop.

---

Okay so now what do I do? Her dad knows how much hard work she has out into my bday gift - I cant just dump her now can I?

I am genuinely affraid of her, she is completely nuts!

This morning she was trying to wake me up for an hour while I faked being a sleep... I could feel her watching me...

I think I'm just going to be "busy for a few days".

I haven't listened to the song. I said I'd rather listen on my own. I'm now on my own... but I really don't want to listen.

GAY!

Happy Birthday

2010-07-21T22:14:00.002+01:00

Yesterday me and Lucia drove to Blackpool to dog sit for my mum while she had an operation on her eye.

I didn't want to take her, because things aren't going well at the moment... but it was too late.

My mum phoned when we arrived in Blackpool - they didn't do the operation and she was coming home.

Lucia was nervous about meeting them - but in my head I was thinking "why, it's not a big deal to me, you won't get to meet them again because we won't be together in a few weeks."

My parents returning meant we didn't have to look after the dog, so we could go and explore Blackpool.

It rained all day. So we couldn't do anything fun. We wandered the shops, she bought some clothes, and I bought some new shoes, which made her really happy as she hated my current ones.

We then went for lunch in a really nice cafe, and then somewhere different for desert. It was pleasant, but not passionate, and I found myself resenting the fact that I was there with her.

We then went back to my house and sat with my parents. Lucia barely spoke a word.

We then got a lift into the village as it was raining... she couldn't get into the first pub as she had no ID, so we walked 15 minutes to the next one in the rain. It was an old man pub with no music, and I could barely think of anything to say to her.

We went home and sat with my dad for a bit and I talked politics and business, before I could see she was tired and wanted to go to bed.

We had sex and fell asleep... but she kept waking me up because she was too hot and uncomfortable.

My birthday morning we went downstairs and I ate the summer fruit pudding my mum had made for me and a meat and potato pie... and odd breakfast but it's my fav food and it is my bday after all.

Then we went to look at my dad's business and I got to ride a mobility scooter.

Lucia had promised her grandparents we would pop in and say hello on the way back to Carlisle as they lived on route. I wanted to be back at 4 so I could go cinema with Nicole.

Then Lucia informs me that her grandma was making us tea. "Tea?" I quizzed, "how long are we going to be there for?"

We were there a few hours, while her grandad showed me his garden and some random motorbike, and her grandma quizzed me to make sure I wasn't "stupid" so she could report back to Lucia's mum.

Lucia and I went for a walk by the canal, which was nice, and we ended up having sex in some bushes there... very hot.

Then we went back to her grans to eat tea before driving home.

I was fairly quiet on the ride home.

"Are you okay?" she asked.

"Yeah, I'm just chilled enjoying the drive"

"Oh. I just worry when you go quiet, like I've upset you. I just want you t0 be happy"

I said "you can't live on eggshells around me. You can't spend your life worrying if I'm happy or if you're going to upset me"

"Okay" she said then there was silence for a bit, then she said "so are we just going to hang at yours tonight?"

I asked if I could spend the night alone, and if I could drop her off at her house.

I've made the decission. I'm ending it. And I need to do it soon.

I'm not happy with her. But I need to play it carefully. I don't want to hurt her. I also don't want to piss off her dad... aka my boss.

I turned 27 today... when the hell am I going to grow up and stop getting myself in these situations!?

Moving again

2010-07-19T17:50:00.002+01:00

I have to be out of this house in less than 8 weeks...

I've been viewing today and they are crap. And there is nothing on the market really.

At this rate it looks like I'm going to be homeless.

Crossing my fingers something comes up!

The Grumpy Man

2010-07-19T17:46:00.002+01:00

This morning we were all going to see Toy Story 3 at the cinema.

I wanted to walk because parking in town is difficult. Lucia made me drive.

Parking was a bitch and we were late. I missed seeing my friends before the film, and it took twice as long as walking would have.

I got really moody and off with her.

She got sad "I just want you to be happy"

the thing is... I'm not.

I don't know what my next move is going to be. Tomorrow she's coming to Blackpool with me to dog sit for my mum who is having an operation. Wednesday is my birthday... not the best time to be breaking up with someone. Also she's my bosses daughter, and really likes me and will be crushed.

Being with her feels like a chore though. I'd rather just sit and watch the tele by myself.

Adam

2010-07-17T17:42:00.002+01:00

Last night Adam told me of his plan to kill himself.

So calm... so decisive, like he has given it a lot of thought. His tone was like he was telling me he was going to redocorate, or switch to a new shampoo...

"I've written a suicide note" he said. "It's fairly shit though"

He's been suffering from depression for a while... came off his meds because he didn't think they were helping and now we've come to this point.

He says he is going to try a few things to improve his life and if they fail he's going to jump off the Civic Centre.

"I've been alive for over 20 years and I haven't enjoyed it. I'd be happy to bow out early"

I'm not sure of my next move.

The girl he likes kissed him last night. He was happy. She was drunk. She doesn't remember. Will things like this tip him over the edge?

Alice's birthday

2010-07-17T17:36:00.003+01:00

Last night was Alice's mad birthday in Newcastle...

I found myself wanting her sister Sophie all night, and spending most of my time with her. Though nothing happened, I really wanted it to. We spent the night cuddled up on the sofa sleeping, though that's not cheating is it?

The relationship with Lucia is starting to suffocate me. We had an argument Thursday night... well more I said what I wan't happy with and she just said sorry. She isn't really doing anything wrong, I just don't like having to be considerate of another person. I just want my own space and to do what I want when I want.

Alice was on the pulling rampage... she dragged us into lots of places with high admission prices. In the end we said no as we didnt have the money, so she paid £40 to get everyone in (a move she regretted the next day). Then she took home this sleeze who used to as good as rape her in her uni years because she was drunk and desperate. I tried to discourage her, but it fell on death ears.

Okay... now the next blog... Adam...

Mountain Madness

2010-07-12T00:51:00.000+01:00

Saturday was supposed to be a bonding sesh on a mountain in the Lakes.

Adam, Nicole, Alice, me, Lucia and Alice's friend Tash (who has just moved back to Carlisle) were all planning on heading up a montain, so everyone could get to know Lucia, and we could get to know Tash.

But true to form, both Adam and Nicole bailed. The wet weather saw Tash off, so it was just me, Lucia and Alice.

But we had an ace time! Picnicing on the top of the mountian, sliding down on our bums, and having to drive back in our underwear because Alice wouldn't let our wet clothes in her car.

Good times.

PS this is me and Lucia soaked in the rain:

back on track

2010-07-08T17:48:00.001+01:00

The break did us the world of good - everything was brilliant last night!

We hung out, watched shite TV, talked for england about nothing, laughed lots and ate lots of cake!

Brilliant night :)

What's that song that says go away and come back so I can miss you?

Space

2010-07-05T17:44:00.000+01:00

I've spent so much time with Lucia lately I'm worried we've said all there is to say to each other.

We went to see the third Twilight film last night... it was as shit as the second so don't waste your time. But after we went for drinks and I couldn't think of a single thing to say to her.

I think it's all been too much too fast. I need some space.

I've told her we need a couple of days off from each other... I need some time to catch up on all the TV i've missed and have some alone time. I love spending time with her, but I don't want to hang out every day! It's suffocating.

Meet the parents... well the other one.

2010-07-04T17:31:00.002+01:00

Last night I slept at Lucia's house... for the first time with her parents there.

ICK!!!!!!!!

Sat watching taped episodes of Eastenders with her mum and my boss.

Her mum treats Lucia as her slave and kept making her do jobs around the house, while I had to sit there awkwardly in, what I later discovered was her mum's chair.

Lucia had described her mum as an odd character with no friends and who barely speaks to people. She has a stern look on her face that scared the living hell out of me, so I sat silent... only speaking when spoken to. Her mum is very precious about her chair, and has previously asked friends of Lucia's to get out of her seat. And there I was clueless to her stares and disbelief that I would dare sit in her chair. Thanks for the heads up Lucia lol.

Then it was bed time. Lucia said she was sleepy and signalled me to follow her to her room. Was I allowed to sleep in her bed with the parents there. I didn't hang around long enough to ask questions and darted off to her room, after saying night to my boss and his wife.

I felt weird having sex with her knowing her parents were in the next room, but did it anyway, trying to stop the bed from squeeking!

The morning was weird too... "you not staying for toast?" my boss asked as I hunted for my jacket.

"Nah, I best be off"

I quizzed Lucia about whether her mum liked me.

Lucia said she just said "It's a funny feeling having a stranger in our house, sleeping in your bed, saying goodnight to us"

Well, I'm only a stranger to her, I've known Lucia for around 6 months, her dad for 6 years.

The music...

2010-07-01T23:24:00.000+01:00

It's Thursday.

"I'm coming to see you in 5 minutes" I messaged my boss on works MSN. "Sharpen your axe and load your shotgun" I joked, hoping he didn't own a shotgun.

"A baseball bat is my preffered method" he responded. "With a nail in it!"

"Yeah, that'd do the trick"

"Funny" he said "all the sharp objects seem to have been removed from my office"

"Forward planning" I replied.

I went in and had a chat with him. He said I was a good guy, he knew what I have been like with girls in the past but he knows I'll treat his daughter well, and not to let her boss me around because she likes to do that. He also said better the devil he knows... he'd rather she went out with me than some idiot he didn't know.

So yeah... that's a relief.

The confession...

2010-06-29T00:19:00.000+01:00

...today is the day my boss found out I had been sleeping with his daughter.

He's not due back until Wednesday... but while I was at work Lucia was alone in my house waiting for me.

When they phoned to check in, her mum asked where she was as she needed her to do her a favour.

She panicked and told the truth "I'm at Steve's!!"

"Steve from your dad's work?" her mum replied.

"Yes"

"Oh right. Well I need you to water the plants for me" her mum said without making any further reference. "Do you want to talk to your dad?"

It appears her mum had been suspicious for a while as we had been chatting on Facebook.

Her dad said he didn't see it coming, but he was happy she was with me as he liked me, and he would rather she went out with me than some other divvy.

Thing is he knows what I'm like with women as I used to tell him of my conquests... yet he's still fine with it...

Well this is Lucia's version... I haven't spoke to him yet, he might say different to me. I'm seeing him on Thursday.

Cheese on toast and chess

2010-06-28T00:11:00.000+01:00

Me and Lucia have been hanging out every day this week.

I actually believe this could be something really good... but if I pursue any longer we're going to have to come clean.

She's been teaching me to play chess... she kicks my ass every time, but she is the pro... you don't realise what a sexy game it is... "I'm going to take you" she said looking at my castley shaped piece...

a few minutes later we were naked on the floor surrounded by chess pieces.

After that we went to the kitchen for her favourite snack, cheese on toast.

Haha she's an odd one to sleep next to though... not only does she snore worse than me, she talks in her sleep and steals the duvet all night.

I woke up to her saying she was stressed. (sleep talking of course) - I asked why she was stressed, it turns out she had a dream someone stole all her shoes.

That'd stress any girl out.

The trouble with me...

2010-06-24T00:07:00.002+01:00

...I can never do what's right. What is good for me!

I went to see Lucia last night. He parents (my boss) are away for the week and she asked if I wanted to hang out.

Me being me, adding to the fact that I have been thinking about her lots lately, decided to go. "I'll just be her friend" I said to myself.

It was long before we were having sex.

A great night... but again I'm asking myself what the hell am I playing at?

The Greatest Day

2010-06-20T22:58:00.004+01:00

Yesterday me and Nicole went to visit Alice in Newcastle. The clubbing part of the evening was a bit naff, but the fun adventures in the park of the next day were ace!

Stupidly though I went straight from work, and forgot to bring my going out and day clothes so had to spend the whole time in my work shirt and tie! Clever man!

On the night I really found myself missing Lucia, the bosses daughter... but manage to stop myself drunken texting her.

I've been thinking about her a lot though lately.

Anyway heres a video of our newcastle adventures - look out for a cameo from Piers Morgan!!

Big Mistakes

2010-06-17T22:29:00.000+01:00

Sometimes I wonder, what the hell am I doing?! But then I have a drink, and carry on.

Life has been a bit mental lately.

So I continued to sleep with the bosses daughter... a week in things started to get a bit scarey as she wanted to tell her dad as she didn't like lying to him...

I panicked and spent the next day trying to come up with a great way to bin her off without her getting upset and running to daddy.

I had it planned perfectly in my head. She would come round, and I would be quiet. Make her do all the talking all night until she got to the point where she asked me what was wrong... then I would tell her I was fine and that she didn't want to know what was wrong...

This would make her nag at me to tell her. After some refusal I would tell her that I'm feeling sad. A line I used when I was binning Chloe off earlier in the year.

"Sad?"

I then move into the whole being with you has brought back old feelings from my last relationship, and it's making me realise that I'm just not ready to be close to somebody yet.

This worked a treat, she actually felt sad for me, but then said she would wait for me until I was ready.

I tried to discourage this... and drove her to college the next day feeling confident my boss would never find out...

The following few days went by and I found that I missed her quite a lot. In the short time we had been hanging out we had had so much fun. I then started questioning why I got rid of her, and whether my boss would really be angry if he found out we were together.

No - I put those thoughts out of my mind with the help of my friends Alice, Adam and Nicole.

the bosses daughter

2010-06-06T13:26:00.000+01:00

...or... well okay.

The bosses daughter comes into work sometimes. She is very sexy, but only seventeen... I'm 9 years older than her. We chat occasionally. Then she found me on Facebook and added me.
My boss wondered why she had added me on Facebook... I said it was harmless.

We've been talking on Facebook chat a fair bit lately, and while I was in Newcastle yesterday she texted me telling me she was home alone til 11pm...

NO.

I can't do it.

If the boss comes home early and finds me in his house it could ruin everything.

So I return home from Newcastle and turn Dr Who on the tele. She texts again...

I write a message "I want to, but I can't. I get on really well with your dad and I don't want to mess things up" I hovered over the send button and then remembered who I was...
I do what I want... who knows I could get hit by a bus tomorrow! Or murdered by a psyco lesbian!

I deleted the text and wrote "I'm just getting a shower and then I'll be round"

I parked the car further passed her house so it wasn't seen if my boss came home.

Walked in her house and we said hi, and then just kissed and went to bed. we fucked for an hour, then cuddled a bit and I snuck out of the house.

She had obviously prepared for my arrival... she had cleaned, even made a playlist on Spotify of songs we had discussed that I liked...

I have a feeling this isn't going to end well...

Newcastle

2010-06-05T19:25:00.000+01:00

Last night we went for a night out in Newcastle.

I arrived and drank a bottle of wine with Alice's friends. We then went into town.

I pulled her friend Hazel, who has a boyfriend. We kept sneaking off to kiss. Then she got an attack of drunken concious and wandered off. We didnt see her for the rest of the night and we were quite worried where she was. She had managed to get herself lost and ended up in chinatown waiting for a bus at 3am... like one was going to come!

Other things.. Alice told her friends about her lesbian activities... she wasn't going to, but alcohol and my influence encouraged her. They were cool about it.

Then she got a black guys phone number... she can never make up her mind whether she is straight or gay.

At the end of the night I was hammered and wanted food. We went for pizza but I was too drunk to eat it. I passed out in Alice's bed and woke up to her on top of me grinding her vagina against me getting herself off. If a guy had done that to a girl she would have gone to the police... but what did I do? Undid my pants and let her get on with it.

In the morning she was like "oh my god I totally raped you last night". Then we went for breakfast.

We met her new girl at the train station... there we ran into Hazel who was picking up her rugby player boyfriend. He shook my hand and I thought it was going to snap off! He was a strong man! Hope he never finds out I kissed his gf.

Then Alice, her girl and the girls friend and I went to the beach and chilled.
I went home as I didn't want to go to their BBQ in the evening... I just wanted my bed... or...

Beaten up by a girl

2010-05-23T18:24:00.000+01:00

Last night was pretty dramatic.

Alice and I started drinking at 3pm. She came back from Newcastle for the night to go to a party.
Alice has an ex girlfriend called Cat - Cat is convinced me and Aliec are sleeping together. (We did a long time a go before Alice decided she liked girls - but it meant nothing and I really don't see her in that way). Anyway, Cat's a nutter.

When Alice dumped her she waited outside my house for over an hour, and the other day she tried to get Alice's new address by pretending to be an "electrician", needing to look at her "shower". She failed.

Anyway Cat turned up at this party. Let me paint a picture of how she looks... have you ever seen prisioner cell block H? She looks like she belongs on that show.

Alice was pulling another girl - and I wound Cat up about it. Not a great deal, just basicly telling her Alice had moved on and it was time to let it go coz her behaviour is psycotic.

She punched me in the eye, grabbed my head and pulled it towards her kneee and kneed me in the face. I wasn't quite sure what to do... I mean what do you do when a girl is beating you up? So I jumped onto a nearby bed and sheilded my face with a pillow so she couldn't do any damage.
I later saw her in town and it became clear that it wasn't over. She's the sort of girl who'd stab you without blinking.

So in the morning we reported her to the police. And the end result was she was given a caution... we hope this is the end of it.

Other things of note... Alice and I tried cocaine... nothing either of us ever thought we would do, nor would we ever do again... but it was there, we were smashed and we were curious. We only took a thin line. I always wondered if it tickled becuase you take it in through your nose, but you don't even feel it.

Then afterwards your nose feels slightly blocked in the side you did it, a little bit like you have a cold. Then you feel a bit scratchy at the back of your throat.

I don't think we had enough to have a dramatic effect on our behaviour so I can't really report on that... maybe it was because we were quite drunk anyway.

We also went to a strip club which was quite fun. Though a guy nearly got kicked out for trying to film the naked women.

BACK

2010-05-06T18:20:00.000+01:00

I'm coming back... not as often, just the odd entry here and there:

I've been busy, back up to my old tricks. Lots of sex and causing trouble. Number 40 was Aimee... she lives a 45 minute drive away, and doesn't have a car so I had to pick her up. I can never get used to using my Sat Nav in the Lakes... without house numbers it just gets confused. So again, I find myself driving miles in the wrong direction.

The date was okay. We just spent the night getting drunk at my house, then ended up in bed. Haev you ever encountered a squirter?

When she came I was actually shocked. She soaked my bed... ha and then made me sleep on that side!

In the morning we fucked again and again... was so hot. I ended up being 2 hours late for work but was def worth it.

Thanks for reading

2010-02-28T13:12:00.003Z

You may have clocked that I have stopped blogging...

I kinda figured I should close properly with a quick update on things, you know tie up a few loose ends.

WORK

I'm doing amazing. I'm very talented and am getting the respect I deserve. I did get my pay rise. The boss was funny though, he gave me a million reasons why he wasn't allowed to give me one before telling me he was giving me a 10% rise.

KIMBERLEY

SHOCK HORROR!! Kimberley and I didn't last. She cheated back in November and I found out in Jan. She denied it, but she left her email open by mistake and I couldn't resist a peak. The emails confirmed that she did cheat - there was also explanation as to why she's been such a cow to me. Went on the lines of "I can't be a proper girlfriend to him because I know deep down he's not what I want, he never has been nor will he ever be" this particular email was sent in September... she asked to get back with me in October... I wish she had just been honest and not strung me along for SO long.

BUT IT'S OVER - thank god.

The downside is they've pretty much made her full time at work so I have to see her every day. I'm fine though. My heads in a much better place without her cluttering it up.

FRIENDS

In December I decided to sort my life out. Ever since I fell out with the majority of people in the old group, life had been pretty lonely.

So I began going to poker nights in the local pubs. Invited myself along on nights out - and now I have another great bunch of people to hang out with.

We threw a party the other Friday and had around 30 people through the door. Good work!

THERE SHE GOES

In May, Molly will be returning to Sweden. End of an era, but we'll stay in touch. Before Molly I'd never had a friend who I knew would be a part of my life forever. I'll miss her so much!

SO WHAT NEXT?

The plan is still to leave Carlisle in September. I'm hoping fate lends a hand and a suitable job opens up elsewhere.

Between now and then I'm going to continue to party muchly, work hard, and make the last few months in this city as memorable as I can.

To close the blog here is a photo montage of life from when I started this blog back in 2006.

Thanks for reading.

Copycats

2009-12-05T19:05:00.002Z

Yes. Okay. I get it. I'm freaking awesome.

But you don't have to try and be me, I'm sure you're just as awesome in your own theiving scumbag like way.

I'm sure you don't have to steal my identity just to have friends and be invited to fancy partys (cough).

But sadly you didn't feel this way. Which is why you copied my bank card, and relinquished that last bit of self respect you (probably) had.

Now, I am without the ability to shop online for a whole week while they send me a new card. Getting money out of my account now means queuing in the bank with fat smelly people probably infected with swine flu germs - and while buying food I have to make sure I have the right money in my pocket as I don't have a card to pay on.

So fuck you, theiving bastard.

And merry Christmas >:-[

PS today I met a snowman.

No thanks, Mr Postman.

2009-11-30T23:51:00.003Z

I'm a little on edge every time the postman visits, and here's why...

"You're still on probation" my Dad said.

"If you get caught speeding you can lose your licence"

But that's okay, because my Sat Nav tells me where all the speed cameras are, and I haven't been going THAT fast...

Well there was the 88 mile an hour incident where I was curious if driving at that speed would send me back to the fifties.

And then the other time I pretending the car in front of me was a drug dealer and I was a cop chasing him...

And the time the motorway was empty and I wanted to see if my car could do a hundred...

BUT there weren't any speed cameras around on those occasions.

"It's the average speed checks that are the worst" my Dad said.

What are those? I've seen the signs, but not known what they meant.

It's a series of cameras that take pictures of you and monitor how fast you reach the next camera. If you get there too soon, you've been speeding.

Shit! This is where they could have me!

The M6 is having roadworks done and the speed limit is now 50 from 70. But the road was empty so I did 60...

A letter came through the post today.

CRAP!!! It looked so official! And not from a company I recognise or envelope type I am used to! I opened it slowly "please don't be a speeding ticket"

It...

was....

a.....

voucher for a free loaf of hovis bread.

Phew, coz we all love hovis.

I reckon if I can get through this week without receiving a letter I should be fine... touch wood.

The List

2009-11-29T11:09:00.002Z

When Cissi came to visit we made lists... inspired by the guy who wrote £100,000 on a piece of paper and stuck it above his bed. It was the ammount he wanted to earn that year.

He would look at it first thing in the morning, and last thing before he went to sleep.

And it worked. He acheived his goal.

In our lists we wrote down things we wanted to acheive - with the idea of reading it first thing in the morning, and last thing at night.

One of the things on my list was a bigger salary.

I have called a meeting with my boss for some time next week. And I'm going to ask for it.

change

2009-11-29T11:03:00.002Z

I don't blog anymore because the blog doesn't really reflect my life how it is now.

For the past few years it's all been about lots of friends, sex and partying - but that's all changed for various reasons.

So the blog is changing.

Molly leaves in the summer, I'm contracted to stay in the city til September the 1st.

After that, I'm out of here!

Sometimes you just have to be silly!

2009-11-08T10:36:00.008Z

Last night was one 0f those rare lets just be reaaallly stoopid and have fun nights.

I met Adam and Aaron in the pub for pre-bonfire drinks and a game of pinball.

Then we went to watch the bonfire and fire works.

After that we went to the fair and went in te fun house, and fell over in the moving tunnel and got covered in mud.

We went to another pub for drinks and random banter with these two girls. Then their friend came to join us, and then left to go to the bathroom. I then said to the girls, "I think I've slept with her?" and they were like "ha yeah you have she's just told us".

Then we went back to the fair coz I wanted to conqur my fear of rides. So went on this fast spinny thing. Didn't like it, but was ace that I went on it!

I survived the A592

2009-11-04T18:33:00.002Z

Hmm only 5 entries last month - a record low. Don't think this month will be much better to be honest.

---------

Yesterday I worked from our Barrow office. I'd never been before and wanted to meet my contributors from the south of the county face to face.

The road to and from Barrow is a flipping death trap. Thousands of tight bends, take your eye off the road for a second and you'll end up off a cliff or in the river. Was insanely scarey!

But I survived. I'm thinking of getting a T-Shirt printed stating that fact, but when I told people at work they were like "why? is that road scarey?" - must be a new driver thing.

--------

Halloween sucked balls - was supposed to be going out, but Ben was ill and Molly was going to a party with the old crew who I no longer talk to. Need to sort the lack of friends situation, but easier said than done in this city.

It was funny before Molly went out because we kept getting trick or treaters come to the door and we had no sweets.

THE RULES:

If you say trick, you give them permission to egg your house.

If you don't answer the door, but they can see you are in, you give them permission to egg your house.

And if you answer it, would love to give them sweets, you just forgot to buy any... well you give them permission to egg your house.

So every time a masked face looked through the window we had to hide. I kept shouting at Molly who was strutting around the kitchen, cooking in plain sight of the tricksters... clearly she didn't fully grasp the severity of the situation, lol.

We escaped egg free - must have been nice kids. If it were me, I would have trashed the house!

-------

Kimberley's been in Chicago for a week, so haven't seen her for a while. Saw her the day before she left and we went for a sneaky afternoon of drinking before I had to go to work, which was fun. She is now jet lagged.

--------

Update on Lewis' situation, he needs a metal plate in his face and is still waiting for the operation.

--------

Molly is obsessed with the Mexican restraunt she works in and only ever wants to eat there. Tomorrow I plan to break the spell.

Windy Blackpool

2009-10-25T14:41:00.000Z

Yesterday Molly and I went to Blackpool to see the illuminations.

The car journey was mega stressful as I can't follow my Sat Nav, got stressed and grumpy and Molly shouted in the middle of nowhere "PULL OVER. I'M GETTING OUT".

She didn't get out.

We eventually made it to Blackpool and had a great time.

We had a roast dinner on arrival. Then my mum trumped and got embarrassed and we all laughed.

Then Molly and I drove into town and I found Primark and bought 3 shirts and a jacket... £31 in total!!! How ace is that?

Then we went in search of a donkey because I promised Kimberley I'd bring her one back. And we found one in a toy store. But it came in a set of other farmyard animals, so had to get the set.

I found Molly looking like she was enjoying herself playing with this toy aimed at 3 year olds. Then she said "this is shit!" and walked away. It was too hard for her.

Then we went to Starbucks and got coffee, and gave the rest of the farmyard animals to some ungrateful children lol.

Then we went home and walked around the WINDY Blackpool illuminations with my sister and her boyfriend, before heading back to the house to eat chocolate and watch the X factor.

Got lost again on the way home today and drove 11 miles in wrong direction.

It's been a while!

2009-10-25T14:09:00.004Z

A lot has happened since my last blog entry.

You will have noticed the name Kimberley has rarely appeared of late, more so because I am certain everyone who reads this is sick to death of the name by now - but the on and off drama that is our love life has been continuing.

We had our biggest ever fall out - but I think this has helped us a lot.

I spent last Friday night at her house as her parents were away, and we had such a great night. We are now back together as boyfriend and girlfriend and though it may seem incredibly dumb, I am really happy and have a lot of faith that we are going to work this time.

--------

I've also bought a Nintendo Wii!!! It's ace, but as predicted I hardly ever play it! I'm waiting for Wii Sing and Ghostbusters to come out for it.
--------

Thursday night was amazing.

Me, Ben, Lewis, Kimberley and her friend Nicki hit the town.

We laughed, danced and were silly all night.

I spoke a lot to Kim's friend who was saying things like "you don't realise how much Kimberley loves you." and "We can be talking about something nothing to do with you, like cereal, and she will make it about you." Which is cool.

Kimberley and her friend went home, and Ben, Lewis and I stayed to dance til the end. Lewis was hammered and high.

On the way out Lewis spotted a group of 20 lads who weren't doing anything wrong, but decided he wanted to teach them a lesson...

It's actually a lot worse in person that it looks in the picture. His nose is broken. His cheek bone is broken and requires surgury. He can't open his eye. And the side of his face is bigger than a balloon.

The kicked him in the face repeatedly.

Has he learnt his lesson? No.

I went to see him in hospital and he thinks he's a hero for attacking 20 lads. He's an idiot.

Birdoswald

2009-10-04T13:24:00.002+01:00

Not having the internet at home means the blog is suffering, I want to upload pictures!!!

Yesterday Molly and I decided to have a roadtrip.

We were going to find a garden centre to buy a plant for the living room to make it more jungley! But the traffic was so bad we turned the car around and headed in a different direction.

"Tell you what" I said "we'll hit the big roundabout and pick a destination where you want to go"

We saw a sign for Hadrian's Wall and off we went.

Driving was really cool and much easier than the micra... THOUGH I did nearly kill us exiting a national speed limit road. I hadn't managed to slow the car down enough to handle the corner and alomost crashed into a sign... very scarey!

The signs to Hadrian's Wall started including a sign to Birdoswald. I'd heard about the place and was curious so we went there.

When we got there we were 20p short for the parking meter and had to wait for more visitors to arrive so we could steal 20p from them.

Once we were settled I had my picture taken on Hadrain's Wall and we walked to the roman fort bit. It was insanely windy and we just ran around the field in the wind like children, it was such a refreshing feeling.

We had a look at Birdoswald - Birdoswald is a former farm in the civil parish of Waterhead in the English county of Cumbria (formerly part of Cumberland). It stands on the site of the Roman fort of Banna.

We then went in the gift shop and had a nosey, before going on our walk.

We went to find the river, and I got scared by some very organised sheep. They were standing in a straight line just staring at us.

We then headed back to the car, having to take a break up this really steep hill.

And drove to find a place to have some dinner.

We found a cute pub and had some coffees and Molly ordered Sausage and Mash and I had fish and chips.

We had a crack with the barman about how often he washes his hair and then discussed a plan for our landlord which involved me wearing a dress - don't ask.

When we arrived back in Carlisle we bought a palm tree/plant looking thing from tesco, and were upset when we realised the free ceramic pot they offered with it was out of stock. So we took a voucher and will claim the pot at a future date.

At home we chilled and watched xfactor and I had an early night.

Then Kimberley came round at god knows what time more hammered than I've ever seen her... the less said about that the better.

Try something new - 2

2009-10-02T13:17:00.002+01:00

Molly always encourages me to try new things.

We went to this mexican restraunt ages ago, and I had a naff experience... but I decided to return and give it another go.

Molly has been back for two weeks, we've been living together and yet we still hadn't had a propper catch up so took the opportunity to have a Steve and Molly night.

I picked better food this time with Molly's guidance and actually enjoyed it.

Time was a Steve and Molly night would start with a bottle of wine each at 8pm and end with one of us sleeping on one of our sofas at like 3am, or pulling some randomer in a club.

Now it's civilised conversation and starting to feel sleepy by 10pm.

I like it.

Car... taxed and awsome!

2009-10-01T19:10:00.000+01:00

Give me a new toy and tell me I can't play with it for nearly a week. Torture!

But this is what happened. My new car arrived on Saturday and I've only been allowed to drive it in the car park.

Yesterday the old red micra was sold. We got £450 for it and it went to some guy who travelled all the way from Wales to buy it, bringing his giant dog with him on the train.

Today I woke up, jumped on a bus and headed to the DVLA.

£66 for 6months! This driving lark is proving very expensive. Feeling hard done by, I stole the lady at the DVLA offices black pen, and left feeling rightious. (I should say that the pen cost like 10p).

My first stop in the car was to Halfords to buy a nice in car air freshner, a rax disc holder and some protective seat covers in case any drunkies vomit in my car.

It drives nice, but need to give it a propper run at the weekend.

Moving out today

2009-09-29T23:02:00.002+01:00

Today I cut all ties with our old flat.

James has still been living there and moves out tomorrow, and I still had the bathroom, my bedroom and my cupboards to clean. I also had a few bits I needed to pick up that I had left there. Problem is I can't drive til Thursday as my new car isn't taxed yet and I'm waiting for the insurance documents to arrive so I can tax it - so had to carry the remaining stuff back.

After I had cleaned I left my keys on the table and left James a note as he wasn't in:

"I'm not coming back. Here are my keys. Don't leave anything in the cupboards. Steve."

I felt slightly nostalgic as I took one last look around the flat. We hadn't lived there long, but I had lived with James for three years, and although he has turned into a cock of late, it is still the end of an era.

The house is officially warm!

2009-09-27T12:49:00.003+01:00

Last night we had our official housewarming gathering... NOT a party, we didn't want that kind of pressure, with people expecting lots of people to turn up.

In the morning Molly and I went on a hunt for a table and chairs.

We went to the second hand shop and saw a black table with chairs for £35.

My dad always tries to encourage me to haggle to try and get the price down, so I gave it a shot...

"Hmmm, I don't know - maybe we should leave it" I said pretending we weren't going to buy it. We then left to give them time to think about losing the sale, and returned only 10 minutes later to pay the full £35.

I am USELESS at haggling!!!! And Molly was less than impressed with my skills!

We then went to buy some lime green material for the seat cushions to make it look more modern, and spent a faffy afternoon trying to fit the material to the chair with a stapler. Not a very good handy job, but they look okay.

My parents also came to visit and to bring me my new car, which is amazing by the way. We went for lunch at a bakery and then my dad fit our big mirror before heading home.

Then Molly and I went to town to find a disposable BBQ for our GATHERING not party. Molly was stressing because she was worried nobody would come and that she didn't know many of the people I had invited:

Basically I no longer hang out with out old crew as you know, so have invited a few people from work, and Adam and Dan. Also Molly invited a couple of people from her course.

Anyway - we couldn't finD a BBQ - so bought party, I mean gathering snacks like pizza and crisps and went back to the house to set up.

Adam and Dan arrived at 8... and were the only people to come for aaaaages.

Then Gayle and Rich came from my work, and no other work people showed up. Then a few people from Molly's course came.

SO it wasn't packed, but we had a really fun night. We went into town, then I got sleepy and wanted to come home.

Woman's touch

2009-09-22T20:06:00.002+01:00

Yesterday Molly and I went shopping. It's amazing the difference a few cushions and candles can make! looks awesome!!!

We're planning a mini housewarming gathering at the weekend. I want people to be like "wwwwow!"

The New Era

2009-09-21T17:18:00.002+01:00

This could be amazing!

OR...

House Move - Day 2

2009-09-20T15:13:00.002+01:00

My parents came with a van to help me move the rest of my stuff... at this point you're probably thinking why the hell did I carry a sofa across town when I knew there was a van coming the next day...

Erm just for the crack.

I didn't sleep well last night on my new bed... My dad showed me why. I had built it wrong - SHOCK HORROR! Also the supporting bar across the middle had snapped because it was a cheap bed.

my dad advised me to go and buy some 2 by 1 wood and fix it myself... erm, I can do that??

My parents love the house and say it's the best I've lived in.

After they left I drove to B&Q to get the wood.

I put it in the boot of the car and closed the door. I then went to get in the driver's seat... where are my keys???

IN THE BOOT!

I walked the 40 minute journey home and got the spare key and walked back... amusing.

It wasn't hard to fix the bed, and I slept much better.

Sadly Dan, who had helped me move heavy items yesterday had invited himself round for drinks. I'm not an enormous fan of Dan... he is loud, intense and inapropriate. He makes me feel uncomfortable, and he has no social skills.

FRIDAY - "Right, tonight we are celebrating carrying the sofa across town. I'm coming to yours after work!!"

I managed to brush him off that night saying I was tired.

"Fine - Tomorrow night then! You can pick me up!"

I tried to drop hints... "Hi Dan, It'll be really late when I pick you up tonight as I've not stopped all day and I'm shattered. Need to have my tea and just chill"

"No problem. See you later!"

"I'm just watching this programme - it's got half n hour left"

"Haha, what are you like? See you when you eventually get here."

I eventually HAD to go get him. He had helped me move after all.

He joked that I better have a pillow for him as he was sleeping on my sofa. HE'S BLOODY NOT!!!

I decided not to drink alcohol so I could drive him home.

I put a film on with the plan to get rid of him when it finished.

I even pretended to fall asleep a couple of times hoping he would get the hint and fuck off.

Nope.

He took his shoes off and made himself comfy. A smelly cheesey feet smell filled the room.

Yuck.

"You havn't got any munchies" he said "right, let's go to Tesco!"

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

I said I didn't want munchies!!!

The film ended and I finally got rid of him and drove him home.

On my way back I was pulled over by the police.

My car is registered in my sisters name, and they thought I had stolen it!! Blummin eck! Made me laugh though. I showed them my documents and they ran a check and I was free to go.

House move - Day one

2009-09-19T09:00:00.002+01:00

My none alcoholic hangover

2009-09-18T17:26:00.001+01:00

Around 4ish Wednesday afternoon I started to feel really rough, like I'd drunk a bottle of vodka the night before. I was going to go home and have an early night, but I ended up inviting Kimberley round for a couple of hours...

A lot more than a couple of hours later I drove her home.

I woke up yesterday feeling like I had been hit by a truck. So weird considering I hadn't drunk anything. Just moving stress and lack of sleep I think.

I was also sick at work, but couldn't go home as I had a lot to do as I was moving house today and wouldn't be at work.

On the night I cancelled plans to go out drinking and went to bed really early. I was woken up by a phone call... Kimberley was out with her friend and both were too drunk to make it home. Could I come get them. I reluctantly agreed as no taxi's would take them.

It took me TWO hours to get her sorted out.

Kim wouldn't go into her house because she would get in trouble (she's 21). She then fell over on the street after I had kicked her out of he car because she thought she was going to be sick.

She punched a lamp post and then started dancing around it.

The police arrive "are you doing Singing in the rain?" they asked Kim.

"My name's Kimberley" she said "you can sing it if you like?"

The police just wanted to make sure I could handle her.

I was annoyed because I was already exhausted and had to be up early to move house.

Flamin' rip!

2009-09-15T18:32:00.002+01:00

I ended up back at Kimberley's again yesterday afternoon. While I was there I recieved a phone call...

"Just seen your car outside. For Sale, £395. I'm interested in buying it."

Crap, things were just getting heated... but okay.

I ran outside to give him the details and we arranged a test drive for today.

--------

Today has been a CRAP day.

I had arranged to meet the letting agent at 10am with £870 cash in my hand.

I went to the bank at 9am. Closed, not open til 9.30 on Tuesdays.

I waited half n hour, and some old git who had just arrived pushed in front of me and got served first.

I had ID and my bank card but they wouldn't give me money without a cheque book. What 26 year old still carries a cheque book on them?

"Sorry I can't help you."

I decided to go to the Estate Agent and see if they will let me pay it into their account online.

"Sorry, I'm not allowed to let you use our internet."

Grrr.

So I had to phone the bank and transfer it that way. I was sat on hold for 10 minutes in her office.

I then went home and phoned BT. "Sorry there's no phone line in your new flat. It will be £124 to activate it."

When I viewed the flat I asked the landlady if there was a phone line as we HAD to pay the £124 the last time and I didn't want to do it again.

"Yes, it does" she said.

Sod it - we won't have a phone line, I'm not paying that much. "There's a £70 cancellation fee for your existing phone line if you don't open a new one."

"WHAT?"

Choice words were said on my part which led the man to say he didn't have to be spoken to like this.

Also apparantly there is no Sky dish. Again the lady told me there was. £60 fee to install a sky dish.

I rush off to work, and send the landlady an email. I was too grumpy to phone her. She didn't reply. I will have to call her tomorrow!

I got back onto Sky and they offered to give me a 50% disscount saving me £30 which was nice of them.

I left work as I was meeting the guy to test drive the car at 2pm. I had an hour free for lunch and left at half one.

At 20 past 2 he showed up.

"I'll give you £300"

"The price is £395"

"£350"

"nope"

"But it doesn't have power steering"

"But it has 10 months MOT and 5 months TAX - £3... 9... 5"

He's thinking about it. Waste of time.

I get back to work 20 mins late, and still stressed.

I need to go back to bed and start again coz I'm sooooo annoyed!

Counting down the days

2009-09-13T14:50:00.004+01:00

This time next week Molly should be on a plane.

I should be, well at work... but living in our new house.

-----

On Friday night I went out with Alice and her sister. Alice had messaged the previous night that she had realised that she only wants me because she can't have me and actually can be my friend, so we went to this shop opening with the promise of a free bar.

We arrived and stood in the reception area. There were a few clothes hung up. I looked around for the door leading to the rest of the shop... huh. This is it. The shop was the size of a pub toilet!!! And in the middle of nowhere. I give it a month before it goes under.

The free bar turned out to be one free cocktail - BUT you could choose from any of the two cocktails from the hand written menu on a torn bit of lined A5 notepad paper.

After the "opening" Alice, her sister and I went to a pub. We had to go somewhere where there were no doormen as her sister is only 17.

They kicked my arse at pool and then Alice took her sister home. While Alice was away I sat talking to Kimberley on the phone who was alone in a hotel room in Barrow.

Alice returned and we did green shots, she has an obsession with weird coloured drinks.

We then went to Solo before heading back to mine to watch how that Brown guy predicted the lottery - what a farce!!

"I can't believe you're making me sleep on the sofa" Alice said. I then passed out on my sofa and woke up to a text saying that she had gone home.

-------

The next morning I went to get my haircut. My hairdresser's daughter was in and he looked annoyed because she kept asking for her mum and ignoring him. His friend pulled him aside and was saying things like "don't rise to it, she's just trying to get at you."

Hmmm. He was distracted and upset and I was more worried about my hair than the time I could smell alcohol on his breathe.

Needless to say it isn't the best haircut in the world... might be time to go somewhere else I think.

I then went home as I was tired and wanted a nap. Lying in bed I realised that I move house on Friday and should probably be using my day off to prepare. So I got up and drove to Homebase to buy a tester pot of white paint and some pollyfiller - the reason being we have to leave out existing flat as we found it so need to fill in holes and repaint bits that we have marked.

I just wanted plain white paint, but couldn't find it. Alomd white? Is that even white? I carried it around in my hand until I came across corn flour white... surely flour is whiter than alomonds so I picked that one up instead. I then found daffodill white! erm, aren't daffodills yellow???

Eventually I found something called absolute white, and figured you couldn't get whiter than aboslute white so purchased that.

I also bought some other things like a new TV stand, a coffee table, a new bin, some new pans and a collinder. I didn't get these from homebase though, that shop is far too expensive.

Then I went home for a snack and went to the gym.

Then I watched the first 6 episodes of season one of How I met Your Mother. I've decided I'm like Ted.

------

Today I have purchased a new sofa... I couldn't get one to exactly match the one I've got:

SO I bought this one: I think it will kinda work...

Reaaallly want to move now!!!! One week, just one more week!

Radio 2, 2

2009-09-11T17:12:00.003+01:00

Kinda snuck out of work again yesterday to go have sex with Kimberley. Weird situation.

Anyway...

Yesterday was Radio 2 day 2.

I had to be in Newcastle by 7.

The sat nav kept getting confused, at one point it randomly said "recalculating" and the road I was on vanished from the screen. It had me driving on nothing... flying even!!! I looked ahead and clearly could see I was on a road... hmmm. Eventually the road returned.

Also I wasn't brave enough to change the track on my MP3 player whilst driving fast... so had to listen to some really rubbish songs! I need to have a clearout. I usually find a song I like by an artist, then download more of their songs thinking I will like them. Before I know it my MP3 player is filled with more crap than a babie's nappy!

I arrived... to my surprise in one piece. It amazes me how many people will take stupid chances on the road just to arrive in Newcastle one minute before me!

I texted the producer and she came out to meet me. It was mad, they had so much equipment! She showed me the set up, and then at 8 the show went live so we sat in the audience. The audience consisted of guests they had met throughout the week, so was a small private gig... felt rather cool.

There was live music from this really good singer, and the presenters were funny. People were drinking beer... I wanted one, but I was driving :(

After the show I had to drive back in the dark! It was terrifying!

I drove for 11 miles before I realised I could put my high beam on. There were moments when the oncoming car's lights were blinding me and I thought I was going to crash.

But I started to get the hang of it - and luckily made it back in one piece, which prompted me to this morning remove my pass plates. I think I'm ready... touch wood.

I recieved a text from the producer of Radio 2 this morning "Hi Steven, hope you had fun yesterday. Thanks for your help. Good luck in your new role too. L x"

I replied that I had fun, and for her to keep my details on file.

Glutton for Punishment

2009-09-09T21:55:00.003+01:00

Last night I went out with Alice, Adam and Dan...

Adam didn't stay out long as he was entertaining his really creepy friend Patrick. This guy was a total douche. He sat silent for a while studying us, and then started asking us questions like "describe yourself in one word" and saying things like "good for you, you know what you are good at and you go for it" - I'm not descibing him well... but I did say to him "what are you doing? I don't get what you are doing? are you trying to psyco-analyse us?"

We were all glad when Adam took him home.

Then we went to Walkabout and then Alice went home.

Dan and I went to Concrete - but it was dead. Well except for Kimberley. I spent the night avoiding her. I soon had enough and Dan and I started walking back to mine... I'm not sure why he was following me, but I was hammered.

On the way back we met this girl called Cat. She came back with us and I gave Dan the signal to go home as I wanted to have sex with her.

I did. And then went to the toilet. I'm paranoid with girls I don't know that they are going to rob me, so checked my jeans pocket... my wallet wasn't in there.

"where's my wallet?" I asked.

"I didn't even know you had a wallet" she lied.

I told her I was leaving the room for a second and when I came back in I wanted to see it.

When I came back in the room it was next to my jeans. I sent her packing.

Dan phoned saying that he had gone back to the club on his own. He had been talking to Kimberley and she had been crying her eyes out coz she missed me and hated herself for hurting me.

Then she texted me "I'm sorry"

I replied that she wasn't sorry just drunk. We then spoke on the phone for an hour and a half, most of that she was crying.

She also told me to watch this...

The lyrics basically tell the story of me and Kim. I was tiredand wanted to sleep so hung up the phone. she texted... "oh man steven i love u so much it kills me. iv missed you too much and dont know what to do. i cant hurt you again, but i so want to give it another go"

When I woke up this morning she had texted again. She said she wanted me to go to hers for 5 minutes... I did and we had really hot sex in her bed. I went to work looking a mess. A few hours later I snuck out of work and went back and had sex a couple more times.

---------------------

malin says:
what now?

StEvE says:
i dont want to tell u
so how are u?
man im sooooooooooo hungover

malin says:
stop drinking u alco
lol
what were u doing last nite?

StEvE says:
partying
sad thing today tho - alice has decided she cant be my pal
i dont kno why she thinks she likes me so much, she dusnt know me well enuff

malin says:
um... maybe that's the reason? lol

StEvE says:
lol thats what i sed
wen u kno me better u wont

malin says:
zzzzz just take the compliment god dammit

StEvE says:
nah im a bit peed - liked havin her to hang out with

malin says:
steve
i told u
.....

StEvE says:
and i am happy with the compliment

malin says:
yeah

StEvE says:
i kno - stop sleeping with ppl u want to be frends with

malin says:
yeah
so im not gonna feel sorry for you at all actually

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Jezz says:
cant face more disappointment today, has there been blogging today?

StEvE says:
nope - i had sex instead

Jezz says:
OOOOOOOOOOH
with who?

StEvE says:
i snuck out of work for sex
u dont wanna kno who with

Jezz says:
kiiiiiiiiiiiimberly???

StEvE says:
kinda

Jezz! says:
ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

StEvE says:
i was out last night and had sex with a stranger
then this morning b4 work i had sex with kim, then went back to her house in the afternoon

Jezz says:
well cudos to you for the lots of sex thing but blah on you for having sex with kim

StEvE says:
yup
i kno

Jezz says:
shame on her if she fools you one shame on you if she fools you 314 times

StEvE says:
i knowwwww
im really stupid
i was being strong, and then she foned me last night crying her eyes out and blah blah blah
and dunno this morning i found myself at her house

Jezz says:
well... it your life and all so shall not judge you n stuff
just you know... dont think for a second it will cause you anything but pain and I dont like that

StEvE says:
i kno that too - i really shud hav just let her go this time. i was actually so confident. says a lot about what a weak man i am really, its kinda pathetic

Jezz says:
most men are weak to be honest
but well, are you gonna keep seeing her then?

StEvE says:
i havent got that far. im still hoping it will all work out happily ever after with her and all that
but i know she will keep hurting me over and over again cos she dusnt know how to be any other way

Jezz!! says:
well, that´s just shit but if she hasnt grown up by now and learned how to be somewhat respectful towards people she cares about.. do u really think she ever will?

StEvE says:
no
i believe she wants to
"oh man steven i love u so much it kills me. iv missed you too much and dont know what to do. i cant hurt you again, but i so want to give it another go"

Jezz says:
well, if you belive that then let her.
But if you want to know what it looks like from the outside it´s a childish girl wanting what she cant have and whenever she gets it it´s no fun anymore until she cant have it again and then she does whatever she can to get it again.

and that annoys me cause I really think you´re worth so much more then to be treated like that.

but you are the know who knows her and lives with this so of course you know better

StEvE says:
i dont know better - u r totally right
its really hard to let go of her tho, even tho she's been a total cow to me
but meh.
whats happening in ur life?
have ur sims taken over the world?

Last Request

2009-09-07T17:15:00.003+01:00

What a funny night.

Started playing poker in the pub, but went out after the third hand. I went all in with pocket kings, some douche had pocket 7's and called. He hit a 7 - he then went onto win the whole game.

Instead of going home I decided to stay and get hammered. My first pint was knocked off the table and soaked my jeans! Rude git didn't even offer to buy me a new pint!!

After the poker we went to a pub I'd never been to before for Karaoke, and much more beer. I badly sang Last Request by Paulo Nutini and then Adam and I did a duet, can't for the life of me remember what.

We danced loads and I got hammered beyond belief!!!!

I remember this girl (one of Adam's friends) asking if I'd buy her a drink, not in a flirty way - I did and then had a drunken thought that I'm sick of girls using me all the time so drank it when she wasn't looking lol. "Where's my drink?" she said "I just had a full one." Like I say I was hammered.

Then Adam had to carry me home coz I was like this:

I have the worst hangover ever - on a day where I have to work 10 hours. I'm 5 and a half hours in and I don't think I'm going to make it...

Pizza and Xfactor night

2009-09-06T11:09:00.004+01:00

I haven't felt this low in years.

After my motorway journey yesterday I came home and polished off the last half of the bottle of rum kimberley had given me - I'm so dramatic it's not even funny. I found myself feeling fairly hammered before 6pm and incredibly emotional.

Lucky I had made plans to see Alice as this stopped the potential night of self pitying that was awaiting me.

She arrived and we walked to Dominos to get pizza - in there we learnt that if we order online we would get 20% off, so happy to find a bargain we walked home and saved £5 by ordering on the internet.

The pizza sobered me up a bit and we sat and watched X- Factor, pausing every few seconds coz we were talking but didn't want to miss any of the show.

After the X-Factor she listened to me drone on about Kimberley, and it helped quite a lot.

Then we messed around on youtube finding funny clips to make us laugh...

I loved these two:

Funny :)

When she left my moping started to return, so I put Lee Evans on, and then went to sleep.

I'm fine but I keep having moments where I want to cry - I'm such a fucking pussy!!

Motorway

2009-09-05T16:05:00.002+01:00

Because I have to go to Newcastle on Thursday I decided I better get some practice on the motorway.

All the people (my family) who have been stressing me out about it are bonkers!! It was piss easy!

I just cruised along listening to music. If it had happened on a happier day I would have loved it.

To be honest I'm really struggling with the Kimberley thing. We've said our last goodbyes and removed numbers from our phones so we can't get in touch with each other.

I keep nearly crying I'm so depressed about it.

She may have been a complete bitch to me a lot of times, but the times that were good were amazing, and I'm really going to miss not having her in my life. We're going from texting every 5 minutes to no contact at all.

I really wanted it to work out :(

for the best

2009-09-05T12:11:00.002+01:00

It's all over with Kimberley, the friendship, the lot.

ME: I don't know what to do for the best. I think we should just save ourselves the heartache and give up. I don't like how you make me behave, I don't like feeling jealous and upset. And this are we friends or more is too hard. I think we are just going in circles and my head can't take much more.

KIMBERLEY: I can't believe how we can go from being so close to being at each others throats in such a short space of time. I'm sorry I upset you so much on Thursday, I really didn't mean to, I just don't think. I don't like how I act around you, I don't know what's wrong with me, all I seem to do is upset and hurt you all of the time and I don't want to do it anymore. I'll miss you so much. You make me laugh and completly get me. I've got so any issues and it's not fair to keep relying on you to look after me. You're the only person I want to see sometimes because you always cheer me up, but you don't deserve this. You'll be much happier without me.

--------------

On another note Alice texted that she couldn't be my friend as she wants more than that and I'll just end up hurting her.

I'm a bit like "we've only known each other properly two minutes!!"

She has agreed that she is being stupid and we are hanging out tonight for pizza and X Factor.

PS - this isn't me moving on from Kimberley - I don't want anything other than a friend from Alice.

Nore more Celebrities! :)

2009-09-04T17:00:00.002+01:00

Radio 2 and other stuff

2009-09-04T09:22:00.004+01:00

Saturday was a really good night. Kimberley came over to listen to our show that we have made to test it before we submit it.

She has just returned from Ibiza and came armed with a bottle of rum and some weird shell turtles that wear hats and glasses as a gift.

We lay in bed talking an having sex, and she told me that she loved me and wanted to know what we were to each other. I said something along the lines of "you know what I want us to be, but don't do anything until you're ready."

It started to feel like we were going to get back together. The texts the following days suggested the same.

----------

On Wednesday I went to the gym for another induction. I've had the same work out plan for over a year and I was starting to reach the point where I was sick of it and hated going to the gym.

The new routine is tough, but I like it coz it hurts.

Also the gym instructor said I'm not eating enough, I should be eating 5 meals a day! Not easy or cheap to do, but will give it a shot.

-------------

Last night I did some work for Radio 2 - it was brilliant. I was talking to the producer, and I realised that I am just as good as her, if not better! She described her job description, and it read like mine, minus my technical ability. I could do her job in my sleep.

I made a good impression and they have invited me to see them working in Newcastle on Thursday evening. I would be insane not to go!

It will mean braving the motorway though.

--------------

After I finished with Radio 2 I went to meet Adam, Dan, Alice and Katie for drinks.

Sadly in Walkabout Alice said that she didn't know if she could be my friend as she wants more than that and always has. I managed to talk her into not falling out with me, but when we got to Concrete she said she couldn't handle it and left.

I'll fix it though because I like Alice, she's fun to hang with.

--------------------

In Concrete Kimberley was there. She knew I was only a few feet away and yet kissed two guys in front of me.

I literally seperated their lips with my hand the second time and stormed out of the club.

We've fallen out. She doesn't see why I am upset, and doesn't think I have a right to be upset as I broke up with her. She also said she didn't know I was watching her kiss the guy and it didn't mean anything.

This morning I've texted that I've enough. She might not think I have a right to be upset but the fact is I am. I said that I thought we were on the verge of getting back together and then you go and kiss other guys in front of me. "I need some time away from you. I need to get over you. I've deleted you from facebook for a while so I'm not reminded of you every time I log onto the computer. We need to get out of this situation that just seems to drive us mad."

She is yet to reply. But I imagine the reply will be along the lines of "god this is so draining, why are you being like this? Fine if that's what you want."

Women.

New Car

2009-08-28T14:56:00.003+01:00

This isn't the exact car, my car will be white. But this is the model - not bad eh? :)

Sausage and Chips

2009-08-28T14:34:00.003+01:00

Last night could have gone one of many ways...

I was supposed to be hanging with Kimberley, but Alice invited me for drinks - so I texted Kimberley and asked if we would move our night to Saturday.

Kimberley decided that she was going to go to a party since we weren't hanging out - and asked if I was going out...

I said I was - and she said that I could buy her a drink if we both ended up in the club. I joked I'd buy her a double tap water.

Alice then messaged that she could only stay out til 11pm as she lived far away and was getting a lift back.

I then decided that I wanted to go out properly and end up in the club... So I texted Adam and asked if he wanted to come out and play. He did. Alice then decided that she wanted to party properly too, and needed to invite her friend Kate so she could stay at her house.

SO Adam, Kate, Alice and I went to the pub for some drinks. Everyone got on really well, it was such a funny night. We then went to Unit and joked around in there.

Alice kept harping on about me liking Kimberley - and told Adam that she liked me a lot.

When we left I saw Kimberley, but didn't really say much to her.

Alice, Kate and I went to Concrete - in there Alice and I ended up kissing. We started heading back to my flat... but she wanted food.

I HATE IT when girls eat food before sex so tried to steer her away from the idea.

"I want cheesey chips and garvy" she said.

"Great" I thought "that'll smell nice when I'm kissing you"

She ended up getting sausage and chips - and it was all I could taste and smell - YUCKKKKK.

The sex was really awkward too - she didn't know how to position herself, and it was just empty and passionless - and smelt of sausages.

I stopped half way through and said "this really isn't working for me, it's too weird - I think we should just be friends"

She agreed - and we went back to the club.

In there I saw Dan, Kimberley's friend "has Kim left?" I asked.

"Ages ago, she got pissed off when you left with that blonde girl"

"Really?" I said happy that she was bothered.

"Yeah, but you know Kim. Always wants what she can't have" he said.

I agreed. Then he said "If she really was bothered she would have done something about it when she still had you."

This morning Alice texted "I blame the sausages for last night"

Who needs reality?

2009-08-26T20:21:00.002+01:00

StEvE says:
i married a man today
but then got divorced and married and old lady hoping to get her pregnant
but then realised she cant have kids

malin says:
...
StEvE says:
so not sure what im gonna do - i might divorce her
theres a hot black girl who lives a few doors down so i might marry her

malin says:
what the hell are u on about?

StEvE says:

im telling u about my day

malin says:
um
ok

StEvE says:
iv basically downloaded the sims 3 on my iphone and iv dun nuthn else all day except play on it sneakily

malin says:
OH NO
not another one lost in the world of sims

StEvE says:
haha

malin says:
i was hoping to speak to jess now when she is ill
but she is lost
in the world of sims

StEvE says:
wot right now?
lol

malin says:
well, that is what her status said 7 hours ago and i cant find her online
so ive just put one and one together
she got sims 3 for her birthday

The prize for being stoopid.

2009-08-26T00:13:00.003+01:00

My mum and dad phoned me earlier...

"You're getting an upgrade" my dad lauged.

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"You're getting a better car."

Basically they don't think the Micra is good enough - it's been through the wars and has faults with it that my dad doesn't think I can handle. My mum thinks it's too fast - and thinks I will handle a manual car better than an automatic.

SO my dad had a car he bought that he was going to do up and sell - instead of selling it they are giving it to me... it's actually a bloody good car! A 2003 Vauxhall Astra 1.7 deisal engine with power steering and electric windows!

Can't freaking believe it!

Talk about rewarding my stoopidity for crashing into Lewis!!!!!!!!!

---------

Tonight I played poker again at the pub - came in 6th out of 20 odd - not bad!

I got home to find James sitting on the sofa. We haven't really spoke about me moving in with Molly yet. He knew, but only through being told by other people. Before that he still thought I was moving out to be alone.

He suggested that he might move in with Kim, Molly's current housemate, which sparked th discussion...

"I'm not being an ass by moving" I said.

"I know exactly why you're moving" he said "I was talking to the guys about it and I said to them 'if he wants to go, there's nothing I can do about it. try living with someone for three years and still get on, it's quite an acheivement'".

It is the end of an era, and a shame it is ending the way it is. There was a time when I thought the day we parted would be awful, and it's strange to think that I actually want this - that he has changed enough for me to not want to live with him. And I've changed to the point where I have out-grown him and see him for who he really is.

I'll miss him in a way - but this is for the best - and I really can't wait for this new house, new housemate and new year.

Money honey

2009-08-24T17:55:00.002+01:00

I always get a stupid eye twitch when I'm stressed - but I've figured it out, it's only money stress that brings it on!

Crashing into Lewis wasn't the best move!

It comes at a bad time when I'm moving house, and also trying to build up a new selection of friends, after the disasters with the last lot.

I should really be staying in and saving what money I have but to make friends you need to be out socialising!

Thursday was bowling and A-Level results night, Saturday was bowling with a diff set of people followed by Karaoke and clubbing - and Sunday was cinema with a girl called Alice who would be a really good pal coz she's very funny.

We saw the Time Travellers Wife - was such a brilliant film :)

I'm off to rob a bank. Cya

Make Money Online

2009-08-22T10:59:00.002+01:00

Now that I'm entering the financial shitter - cheers car crash - I have taken to the internet to find ways of making money...

Did you know they pay you for taking part in surveys? Not much, but you can win cash prizes up to £1000.

Ages ago I won £200 through a site called onepoll - that was while I was still at uni.

So I'm going back to those days! It's worth checking out!

http://my.yougov.com/go.aspx?id=e1bea676-f782-497f-a8c6-36dbaa2dcdbc

Crashed

2009-08-21T18:40:00.002+01:00

This is damage I have just done to Lewis' shiny new car.

I was reversing out of the car park at work, accidently hit the gas too hard and plowed into the side of his car.

No damage to my car - but I've dented his pretty badly! Why couldn't it be the other way around?

This is going to cost me a fortune.

Bye bye new sofa :(

90 minutes

2009-08-21T16:11:00.002+01:00

There are so many things you can do in 90 minutes. Watch a film, watch a football match, bake a few cakes, go to the gym, take a train from Carlisle to Preston... or stand in a queue in the dark and cold, trying to get into a club you don't even like that much anyway.....

-----------------

Woke up early yesterday morning, with a slight hangover. I'd been baking pies, and drinking whisky as I cooked. By the time I had finished the pie fillings I was too drunk to make the pastry so put them in the fridge to finish the next day.

In the morning I went to the letting agent to pay the tennancy fee for the most recent house I featured - it's now ours :) move in on the 15th September.

After work I picked Adam up in my car, went to my flat and I quickly finished my pies.

Then we went to the bowling alley to meet some of his pals for a game or two.

I actually really dislike bowling, I'm no good at it and it really is boring - but I had fun - despite the bowling part.

Then we went into town.

Adam has a really intense friend called Mal who I really don't like - he gives me the creeps! He was trying to show me that stabbing me with a butter knife wouldn't hurt as it isn't sharp... I managed to get him to put the knife down! NUTTER!

Then we went to Unit to meet a girl I know called Alice - she was there with her two friends Katie and Jo. They were concerned for Jo though because she was making herself sick because she had eaten "too many calories" that day.

It was A-Level results night and everyone was heading Concrete. Alice had been smart and got a hand stamp early as she predicted long queues... she was right. Adam and I arrived and queued for 20 mins before Adam gave up and went home. I wanted to go in as I quite fancied my chances with Alice.

A further 15 minutes pass and I see her friend Jo running out of the club crying - and dissapear down the street.

I decide to leave the queue and make sure she is okay... She buys chips that I know will end up in the toilet later and I put her in a taxi and then join the back of the queue...

In the queue I fell out with this annoying blonde girl who was hitting on this guy who claimed his girlfriend was inside. She was a horrid girl who only had bad words to say about people. "You're just not a very nice person are you?" I said - she looked shocked and protested that she was a very nice person.

I finally made it inside after being standing outside for the best part of 90minutes.

It was crowded, mostly boys! And I mean boys, they looked 16! Well it is A Level night.

I caught my reflection in the mirror... man I'm old!

I went to dance with Alice who was worried about her other friend who was too drunk and Alice was supposed to be staying at her house.

After half an hour in the club I decide I can't be bothered. I'm old, I want sleep, I don't really care about having sex with Alice, I'll prob pass out on her anyway. Queuing was a mistake. A big mistake. I wanted my bed and I was going to find it.

I got home, made a ham sandwhich and went to sleep.

Last house... then decission time

2009-08-19T10:33:00.003+01:00

Okay - this is Westmorland Court - £435 per month. There is a place called Freer Court wich is a year older, but near enough identical - except the yard has grass in it. Also they have TV points in the bedrooms which West doesn't have. Freer is £415 per month same as Augusta.

This one I would need to buy a bed and a washing machine.

I would need to sell my wardrobe though as there will not be space for it -James might give me money for it as he needs space.

Garden is considerably smaller, but that's not nessecarily a bad thing.

This place has an attic which we can use for storage - I have a video of this, will post later.

The kitchen is bigger than the one on Augusta, the bathroom is a similar size but has a nicer shower.

This place has less character, but gives us creative freedom to to do what we want with it.

Also Augusta is a long treck home after a night out - both a similar distance to uni.

Oh and West has two toilets lol.

It is decission time...

Another house....

2009-08-18T11:26:00.006+01:00

Sorry I will blog about other stuff, this is just really important at the moment.

The living room stays the same except I've asked them to take the sofas out as I have my own, and will look just as good. The TV is going I'm Affraid, landlord is taking it with him.

Everything else in the living room stays.

Mybedroom has a built in wardobe, so you could have my wardrobe I have now for your room. They have beds in them, but I've asked them to take the bed out that's in your room.

Also I've asked them to get rid of the fridge as I have one.

The only thing it doesnt have is a washing machine, but I can get one for £230 installed - (I've saved by not having to buy a new be frame)

What do you think?

FAO MOLLY

2009-08-15T15:58:00.004+01:00

BEDROOM FURNITURE LENGTHS:
79 long by 60 wide – double bed
66 high – 19 deep – 32 width- wardrobe
16 deep – 23 width – chest of drawers

MY CURRENT BEDROOM – 80 WIDTH – BY 139 LENGTH

CLIFT - £380 or £390 cant remember
LIVING ROOM – 138 BY 132
MAIN BEDROOM - 140 WIDTH BY 130 LENTGH
SMALLER ROOM – 99 WIDTH BY 130 LENGTH – 88 LENGTH BETWEEN WALL AND DOOR so bed could go length ways or width ways

I'd say the main prob is it's corners are ruined... there's a window in one corner of the bedroom and a door in another... unless acrually the bed went underneathe the window?

BERKLEY- £430
MAIN BEDROOM – 105 WIDTH BY 140 LONG
SMALLER ROOM – 85 WIDTH – 140 LENGTH

Flush it down the loo

2009-08-13T00:36:00.002+01:00

Okay so I saw Stars! Big whoop, wanna fight about it? - THAT aint gonna get the kids washed and the ironing done - not that I have kids TO wash or know how to use an iron, but that' s beside the point!

THE POINT is, it's all very well me telling you about my star adventures, but other more vital things are happening that need writing about!

SO MOLLY/MALIN - decided that YES we would move into that house together :-D Yayyyyy.

I went down and paid the none-refundable £75 application fee.

THEN - Her boyfriend Sam said that he'd seen scruffy people hanging outside.

Were they are neighbours? I don't want to live next to chavs!!! Panic sets in for both me and Molly.

I come up with a plan. We NEED to know who our neighbours are.

KNOCK KNOCK.

A man answers the door wearing a t-shirt and jeans. "He doesn't look that bad" I thought to myself coming up with an excuse as to why I would have knocked on this randomers door.

"Erm I'm lost, can you tell me how to get to the travel lodge?"

I pay close attention to his teeth as he directs me - "he doesn't seem to be missing any?" I thought again.

I left feeling much happier. He wasn't a chav. Maybe the people Sam saw were the old tennants?

I arrive at work this morning and Ian says "STEVE, you can't move into that house!"

"Why?" I asked, feeling my £75 tennancy fee heading more in the direction of the toilet bowl.

"I've just seen two chavs sat on your wall drinking cider"

The mental image of my £75 showed it now sitting in the toilet - floating in the water like a turd you can't flush.

"Are you sure it was my house?" I ask clinging onto some hope he could be mistaken - I can take the £75 out the toilet, it'll dry!

FLUSH.

The money was gone. Without a doubt it was our house.

I can't live somewhere that has chavs hanging outside - no way!

I'm house hunting manicly now - there are some lovely places - just need to act fast!

-----------------

Other stuff - went to work on Sunday to work on my project with Kimberley - we still weren't on good terms after our fight, but halfway through she started drawing silly things on my arm that led to kissing and then sex. Awesome!

Played in a poker tournament in the Grifin last night, started off well knocking out most of the players on my table - only playing a few hands. Moved onto the big table and was taken out quickly. My pocket queens were raped by pocket kings - she tried to shower but never felt clean. Then my ACE QUEEN suited was beaten by a measly pair of nines. Cest la vi!

Shooting Stars

2009-08-13T00:26:00.002+01:00

StEvE says:
what an experience
iv just been shooting star hunting and saw 4
iv never seen one b4

malin says:
haha
wow
how???

StEvE says:
its all over the news that tonights the night to see shooting stars as theyrs a meteor shower - so wen id fin with kim, i drove to the middle of nowhere - down dark FAST country roads where there was no light at all, got out my car and watched the sky

malin says:
WOW
with kim????

StEvE says:
nope

malin says:
awww
damn it
lol
but COOL

StEvE says:
but wudnt that hav been romantic lol
i texted her wen i was ther
the idea only came to me wen i was already driving home

malin says:
oh wow
that is amazing
id love to have a car

StEvE says:
u have mine and sams lol

malin says:
so u are feeling way more comfortable driving now
?

StEvE says:
totally

malin says:
hurraH!

StEvE says:
driving fast was amazing

malin says:
oh u were driving fast on the small country road?

StEvE says:
yeh to get to a palce where i cud stop
u can go 60 miles an hour on them
and i did wen it was safe too

Football, Poker, Yeager

2009-08-09T12:26:00.004+01:00

Yesterday I went to my first propper football match.

I hate football, but thought I'd give it a shot.

It was okay, but I really can't see why people get so worked up about it.

-----------

On the evening I went to Adam's to play poker. I was kicking ass for ages - and then I got drunk and silly and went all in with a pair of aces queen kicker when there was both a flush and a straight draw out there - needless to say I went out at this point.

Playing poker with these guys is great. It only lasts 3 hours, the game was won by 11 - and it's fun.

Then we played drink poker - you bet sips - if you think you've got the winning hand you can go all in which means if you lose you have to down your drink - I liked that game, though bet big with very little as I liked my drink.

-----------

Then me and this guy called Mal headed into town. He's an okay chap but a bit intense - Adam had been regailing him with tales of how good I am at pulling women, and wanted me to show him how good I was - meh, I just wanted to drink.

We had several yeager bombs and went to Time. In there I got talking to the prettiest girl ever, she had such a gorgeous face and smile. She was called Joanna. We kissed, and honestly I've never felt lips so soft - was ace... then we remembered we'd met before...

It was ages ago and I had pulled her friend Amy. Amy had said she wouldn't go back with me unless her friend, Joanna and the guy she had met could come too.

James was away - and Joanna and her guy two kept trying to go into James's room to have sex. I couldn't let them have sex in James's room so kept having to get out of bed to drag them back into the living room.

Then when I returned to my room Amy had fallen asleep - so I decided to just kick everyone out. I went in the living room and Joanna was topless just pulling up her bra to cover her boobs. She left calling me a psyco. They also stole James's whisky flask that had been a gift from an ex-girlfriend.

Needless to say upon this memory returning we didn't spend much longer in each others company.

Again I should have gone home at this point as the night had peaked, but I was hammered and wanted sex so did alooottt of dancing trying to pull - as hammered as I was you can imagine how good I looked. I did meet a girl who is about to study beauty and make up and kissed her for a bit - but ultimatlely the night was a flop on the pulling front.

Rest of it was fun though.

I know how to have a good night....

2009-08-07T22:09:00.003+01:00

... just not when to say good night!

JAMES: "Hahahaaa Si said you were out on your own last night."

STEVE: "So, I was pissed off and wanted a drink. Where else can you go after midnight?"

JAMES: "Yeah he said you looked grumpy"

STEVE: "Aye" I responded in an uninterested tone to imply he had interupted the show I was watching on TV.

JAMES: "I just don't like thinking of you being all alone" he said in his most sincere voice.

----------------

I didn't fill him in on the crack as I know he'll just run off to them lot for a gossip.

Long story short as you don't wanna keep reading dribble about Kimberley all the time, but we had a fight.

Walking through town I phoned Molly who is still in Barcelona (my phone bill will be huuuge) and she made me feel a bit better. We agreed I'd go home and we could talk on Skype.

Then I thought "fuck it" and went for a drink in Concrete.

I stood at the bar sulking holding my drink. "Yes that's what they do in the movies" Molly messaged "now go home so we can talk"

I didn't go home - instead I ordered more drink. I saw former friends Rick and Si and then began to feel foolish. Here I am, in a crowded club, surrounded by 18 year olds, wearing my shirt and tie work clothes, looking like a loser with no friends.

After my realisation, what do I do? Do I go home while I still have some dignity left? Do I heck as like! I go dancing.

I try to dance near groups of people so randomers will think I'm with them and not there alone.

I then dance with this girl called Beth and we move to a sofa to talk. Then we go outside and talk. It is then she told me that I should have just asked to fuck her and she would have done it, instead of twining about Kimberley all night.

The girl leaves and I'm drunk. I can't remember what order this next bit happened... but I was sick and also kissed a less attractive girl on the danceflooor - for her sake I hope it wasn't in that order.

The music goes off - and I stagger home like a drunken loser.

12:34:56 seconds on 7/8/9

2009-08-07T15:21:00.002+01:00

Where were you at 12:34:56 7/8/9?

I was here:

Reflecting on drunken events of the night before (see next entry).

Potential house - the video

2009-08-06T17:00:00.003+01:00

Thanks Jessica for your potential solution to have a young hot 20 year old male move in with me so you can have your wicked way with him when you visit.... BUT...... I may have another idea.

I floated the idea of Molly moving in with me. It would defeat the joy of living by myself, but financially I don't think it is going to be possible at the moment. PLUS the main reason for moving is to distance myself from James.

BUT also I actually think it could be reeeaaally fun to live with someone who actually gives a damn about your life - and this could be the last year I live in the same town as Molly - so I want to see her as much as I can, and with her going to be busy with uni, this could be really good coz I'll get to see her most days :)

It kinda all hinges on whether or not she likes the house - I was going to email her a video but the file is too large - so I'm uploading it here...

.... if it sucks I'll find a plan B :p

My new house?

2009-08-05T15:13:00.004+01:00

I may have found my house.

Hmmm.

Here's the situation:

It IS a house, which might be a nice change from living in a flat.
It's newly decorated - not amazingly mind, just basic carpet and cream walls.
The kitchen is HUUUUGE and incredible!
It has two bedrooms - a massive one, and a smaller one that's still bigger than the one I'm in now.
It has a mini yard in the back.
And the bathroom is actually really nice!

Sense the but coming... well there are two.

ONE: The price. I set myself a rough target of around £300 a month - I'm paying £210 at the moment, because I share with James. THIS one is £360. That's an extra £150 a month than what I'm paying now.

I suppose I could let the little room out for £100 I suppose - but the whole point was to live alone - or was it to get away from James?

It is a reallly nice house though. Can I afford £360?

TWO: It's slap bang on a main road. It's got double glazing so road noise shouldn't be a problem.

What to doooooooooooooo?

Kinda like a flashback thing they do on TV shows

2009-08-05T01:58:00.003+01:00

Is my blog good for me?

It is in some ways - you remember details you had totally forgotten about.

I had a lovely night with Kimberley tonight, we were at work til late working on out project.

When I got home I felt nostalgic and went back to old entries in my blog. Kimberley and I first kissed when we were both seeing other people. When we were both single the then game really began:

Thursday, 25 October 2007

Okay, the chase is on! Kimberly has broken up with her boyfriend!

Today I put the plan into action!

She won't date me because I'm a player?

I got everybody I knew who was near a computer to send her an email "letter of reccomendation" to her.

Telling her how nice I was - How she should date me - listing all my good points. My favourite was Simon's...

"Steve has a variety of different cock rings in his cock ring museum. And only one person gets to visit - YOU! So don't let this opportunity get away, date Steven today - only £1.99"

All night she was receiving messages like that, she was at work to answering the phones for Joe's show.

When I thought enough emails had been sent, I put my coat on and went to work. Before I walked in the room I called her in the studio and put on a funny voice pretending to be an old man.

"Hello, I'd like to put a request on Jim's show!" (i said deliberatley getting the presenters name wrong)

"Okay" Kim replied - "which song would you like?"

"I don't know the name of it - it goes like this la la la" I began to LA a tune that bared no resemblance to any song.

"Okay - I don't really know that one, are you sure you can't think of the name?"

"It doesn't matter" I said "How about this request..."

I walked through the door and said "Will you go out with me?"

She went really red in the face "I hate you" she said, laughing embarrasdly. "NOOO!" She said being her stubbern self.

I then sat next to her. "Go home" she said.

"Not until you go out with me" I replied.

This dance went on for a while. I logged onto the computer next to her and began asking her out via MSN.

She kept laughing and turning me down.

Then I texted my sister and told her to ring the work phone - and when a girl answered say "will you go out with Steve?"

The phone rang.

"This better not be you?" She said suspiciously.

"As if I would" I replied cheekily. I handed her my phone so she knew it wasn't me.

She picked up the phone. My sister said "Go out with Steve"

Kimberly put the phone down and started laughing.

"NOOOO!" she said. "You're so annoying!! I hate you"

I replied "You know, love is often confused for hate."

When she had finished work we went to the Boardroom because we were meeting a few people from work because it was a leaving do.

I got up and sang "I'm a Barbie Girl" and "Unchained Melody" on the kareoke with a guy from my work. I could see Kim laughing as she watched me.

We then both left together.

"Go out with me" I said. "Let's just go out and get to know each other - what's the worst that can happen?"

"mmm I don't know" she said.

"Tell me something about myself" I said to her "tell me what you know"

"Your name is Steve, you're from Blackpool, you're 24, and you play the guitar!" She said.

"There's a lot more to me than that." I said - "One date - we'll have a lot of fun - and we'll get to know each other - what do you say?"

"mmm" she replied "okay - maybe"

"For today - I'll take the maybe" I said - good night Kim, I smiled cheekily, and she smiled back - she came close to me as if to kiss me - but I turned away and carried on walking.

"Maybe!" I shouted "that's progress!"

She smiled, and I walked away.

This is so much fun!

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And I didn't stop there...

Saturday, 27 October 2007

Yesterday was part two of my persuit of kimberly.

I sent a single rose to her house - with cinema times attatched telling her to pick a film to watch on our date on Sunday (the date she hadn't even agreed to).

She sent my a text once she had received it:

"You're really not giving up are ya? Thanks for the rose, twas most sweet x x"

I replied "nope - and you're welcome."

A couple of hours later she sent me another text "one date, and you'll leave me alone? x x"

I replied again "It's a possibility ;p"

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I got the date and we went to see Stardust at the cinema. The date didn't go as well as expected and in my mind I didn't want to take things further... well I thought I didn't.

In a club on Halloween I saw her and went over to say hi. She turned away and ran off in another direction... I'd had more than a few drinks at this stage and had already pissed off most of my friends that night anyway... so hey what was one more disaster?

Thursday, 1 November 2007

The Halloween Party

What the hell is going on with me lately?

The amount of people I managed to upset last night was stupid!

1st one probably being Jenny – though I haven’t spoken to her yet – but I did kiss her sister.

Second would have been Roxanne. I had a go at her for playing mind games with me all the time!
Third would have been Kimberley – when I may have said something like “the chase was more fun” but I didn’t mean it in that way – came out wrong – but yeah she is pissed off.

Next we have Kim, as in Molly’s flatmate Kim – and then Molly herself!

Molly and Kim left our Halloween party and went to this Party in the building U-Student – me and James are barred from there because we stole a stuffed toy when we were drunk from there.

Everyone in the building turned against me – and I have had on a few separate occasions had some of the lads try and start fights with me! I have almost been thrown out of clubs – and am verbally abused every time they see me! Even in front of girls I have been with!

So when Kim and Molly left us to go to this party I was a little annoyed. Then we tried to get in and Kim came to the door – “Sorry Steve, you’re not allowed, it’s just the way it is!”

And then shut the door in my face.

James, James’ friend, Jenny’s sister and myself were really miffed! If we weren’t allowed in, they should have just come with us!

What’s more annoying is that Jenny went in, leaving her sister on her own. The sister was really upset and just wanted to go home.

I ended up spending a large part of the night walking round the Wheel on my own.

Later that night Molly and I had a huge fight. Things are really messed up at the moment! Like reallllly messed up!

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Yeah I had been a complete ass that night! To a lot of people. Most of it I learnt from - but not enough obviously as well I continued to fuck things up for the next 2 years.

But anyway back to the Kimberley stuff.

After that night she deleted me from her Myspace and Facebook - It looked like she would never speak to me again...

Sunday, 4 November 2007

Today I have made progress!

Jenny came round and we had a really good talk about things. I have also joined a gym to give me somthing to focus on other than sex!

Also I have deleted every girls phone number who I have had dealings with to avoid temptation.

Oh and Kimberly from my work is talking to me again which is good. Just been chatting to her on MSN.

Not a bad day all in all!

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Oh yeah the take my mind off sex thing was because we thought that my bad behaviour was due to an addiction to sex. I later realised that I was just an attention seeking ass who had gone completely off the rails... judging by events last Tuesday I'm guessing part of that guy is still around!

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At work I'm asking people to keep a diary for a week as part of a project I'm doing. A guy came to me today and said "I don't know if my life is always like this, or whether it was more interesting becaue I had to write about it." Maybe he had a point - could blogging for me be a source of evil - fueling my need for drama and attention?

Do I go that extra mile sometimes because it would be fun to write about?

Or am I like this regardless. My life seemed to be calmer before my blog - or am I just not remembering what I used to be like because I didn't write it down?

So I was deleted?

2009-08-04T17:39:00.003+01:00

For some reason my blog was deleted... random, but I have managed to get it back in one piece!

I was worried when I saw it had gone, but I was also a little relieved. The pressure to update the thing was gone. So be it, it was over.

But now it's back I realised how much I like writing my stupid events in here.

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The Car

It's safe to say the novelty is starting to ware off. Today I walked to work, I'm tired off people watching me as I try to park in our box of a car park. It's the reversing into a tight space I have troubles with, but people find watching me rather amusing! On two occasions I have had to ask someone to park the car for me! Lol.

Though it came in handy last night as I drove up to the big Tesco to get some breakfast supplies - Tesco at half 10 at night is actually quite relaxing. No queues and no people.

The Girl

I'm starting to wish I hadn't slept with that other girl - single or not there is still something very strong going on between Kimberley and I. We're actually getting on better than ever!

On Saturday there was a birthday party to go to, so Kimberley's mum picked me up and took us both there. We had been given the wrong address by a drunk Dan and ended up having to walk the extra 20 minutes, which was rather amusing. The night itself was great, but Kimberley and I didn't kiss or anything. At around 1.30 she said she was going to go home as she was tired so Ben and I went to a club. Later she texted "I take it we're not anything now?" I phoned her and said we should talk about things sober - she said she loved me - but drunk I don't listen.

On Sunday night she came round to mine to work on our show. We got no work done and just lay hungover on my bed laughing, kissing, holding each other then having sex. We felt really close to each other - and this was all sober - which kinda removes my we only ever have fun drunk argument.

I don't know what the future holds for us at all.

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Flat Hunting

I can't find a flat! And time is running out!

I will need to give notice in less than 4 weeks, and I have no idea where I will be living. I don't want to stay living with James. I really want to move.

Please let the perfect flat arrive soooon.

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The Injury

My ankle still isn't right. I think vicious lesbian botched it up. It is healing, but it's still bleeding a bit and her handy work only lasted a few days. Too busy thinking of women I guess.

One I made earlier

2009-07-29T18:01:00.003+01:00

For this next project you will need:

some glue
some sticky tape
a wounded man
a vicious lesbian
Some tissues
and some bandages.

Take the wounded man to the vicious lesbian.

Give the vicious lesbian some tissues.

Then get the vicious lesibian to scrub the wound really hard with the tissues trying to stop the bleeding, causing wounded man more pain than the actual accident.

Then take some sticky tape and try to seal the wound.

Should bleeding get in the way, get vicious lesbian to scrub the wound harder!

If still the wound will not seal, get some super stingy glue to put on the wound.

Then wrap in bandage and send wounded man on his way.

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Ha vicious lesbian if you hadn't guessed was the nurse looking after me! Glue, sticky tape! I felt like a broken lamp.

Okay I still haven't said how it happened. Hungover I dropped a plate on my foot. It broke and cut my ankle. This was at 9am. I wrapped it in tissuse and put my sock on and went to work.

I started to feel faint and my leg felt like I'd slept on it funny. By 4pm I don't think there was any blood left in it! So work put me in a taxi and sent me to the hospital.

Just have to keep this bandage, glue and tape combo on for 5 days.

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Last night was fun though. Went clubbing with Adam, and I know I probably shouldn't, but we are broken up now so I was dancing with this girl. Then at the end of the night she came back to mine and we had sex a couple of times. It was really good.

Not cool, no, not cool at all

2009-07-29T16:54:00.004+01:00

Im sat in accident and emergency, surrounded by people who have probably hurt themselves playing rugby, perhaps an injury on the construction site, maybe even a full blown fist fight. But me?

nurse: "how did you injure your foot?"

me: "erm, doing the dishes"